


alone

by renmoojunskz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 2chan(?), Angst, Cheating, Family Issues, Fluff, Jock!Changbin, M/M, chan and changbin are best friends, chan hates jisung, idk how to tag, jisung hates changbin and everyone at first, lots of fluff mixed in uwu, nice jock tho, suicide thoughts and depression, uhmmm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 17:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 23,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17267963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renmoojunskz/pseuds/renmoojunskz
Summary: in which jisung likes to be alone and changbin wants to know why.





	1. introduction

changbin's eyes dart up from his book again to the blue haired boy in the corner. 

alone again. his books scattered on the table and headphones in. 

so pretty.

han jisung was a mystery to everyone. sophomore in college while changbin is a senior. everyone knew him but he had no friends. anytime he was talked to or approached he would say, "i would like to be left alone" or walk away. people knew his past must be horrible to be so secluded but honestly? no one cared.

except seo changbin that is.

the school's sweetheart. football and baseball. so nice and happy. so.... perfect. rich parents, paid for house and expensive car. he was always the party thrower.

he always invited han jisung. but he never showed up.

the one person jisung had never told to leave him alone was changbin.

changbin would approach every Friday with, "i am throwing a party at mine tonight, you are free to come. i can send you my address if you want my number?" and jisung would always shake his head.

"no, thank you hyung."

and he was gone.

but every single Wednesday changbin had a 2 hour break between classes when jisung had a 2 hour study session in the library. so changbin would sit there and read. he liked to read a lot actually. but he would also look at jisung.

until his best friend chan comes to retrieve him for their next class together.

changbin was so intrigued by han jisung. he wanted to know why he was always alone. what made him that way. he was determined to find out.


	2. get to know changbin and jisung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i mean the title says it

seo changbin.

again, rich. but he wasn't spoiled. he got what he wanted but he never asked for anything. he didn't like being rich, he didn't like the stereotype.

his best friend was bang chan and had been for years, they had been through a lot together. they came out to each other (but not their parents) in middle school, helped each other through breakups, partied together. they had never fought.

changbin was happy. he was the epitome of happiness. or so everyone thought. only chan knew how sad changbin was.

he was heartbroken.

he had fallen in love once, and it ended horribly. he was cheated on and emotionally abused and it took months to bring himself back up. he was still not the same. 

but he played football and baseball and threw parties to make people think he was fine. and he let himself fall for han jisung.

han jisung.

he didn't care what anyone thought of him and he never would. he was fine being alone.

having transferred colleges the year before, he was the outsider.

some people have heard that he was from america or Europe but some said he was a murderer on the run. which he wasn't.

he just transferred.

his family was messed up and he knew it but he wasn't a part of it anymore. that's why he left. to avoid it all. 

but he was struggling to do that. he made all A's but that would soon be down the drain with the way his parents are on his ass.

he left to get away from them but they found out where he was. they call and text and his dad even showed up at his apartment once.

han jisung was fucked up.

he wanted to do his job at the little shop just off campus (since it's a tourist town), do his school work and most of all,

han jisung wanted to be left alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twt: @junseobins


	3. the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as it always is. (or is it?)

"hey there's a party at mine tonight. you're welcome to come."

"i can send you my address if you want my number. yeah yeah i know. every week is the same. and again. no thank you hyung." jisung huffs.

"you're always invited." changbin smiles.

"and you're always hitting on me." jisung states.

changbin's face flushes red. "uhh." 

"you're quite the flirter. you're the hottest guy in school don't get me wrong. but as i always say. no thank you hyung." jisung pats his chest as he pushes past.

was he that obvious?

 

-

 

changbin gets out the alcohol and sets it on the island, multiple different colored bottles. he finds the snacks and sets them out too then sets up the loud speakers.

chan arrives with even more alcohol and snacks and adds them.

soon the large two story house is filled with drunk teens.

changbin actually isn't a big drinker. he nurses his first fruity concotion as he prances through the crowd. 

he greets the familiar faces in his letterman jacket and he sees it. a head of blue hair.

jisung?

changbin tilts his head as he weaves through to the small boy.

"hey." he calls to him.

"changbin hyung." jisung grins. "i came this time. i wanted to get drunk." 

"i see that." changbin laughs.

jisung was wearing a thin white shirt and ripped jeans and even though it was simple, he looked so good.

"let me take you home before you get hurt or taken advantage of." changbin gently takes his arm.

he fishes his keys out of his jacket pocket and guides jisung out of the party.

shit. his car is blocked in.

he will just walk jisung home.

it was cold and changbin slides his prized letterman jacket off, placing it around jisung shoulders.

jisung gives a cute giggle and prances ahead of him. changbin smiles to himself as jisung dances in his jacket, looking small and adorable.

"what's your address?" changbin asks. "so i can take you home." 

jisung tells him and they are on the way.

it was quiet other than their footsteps and jisung's occasional giggles.

changbins eyes were trained on him as he went and he smiles. so pretty.

they reach jisung's apartment building and changbin watches closesly, making sure he doesn't fall down the stairs. 

at the door jisung fumbles with the code but eventually opens the door. 

"thank you hyung." 

door to face.

wow. even when drunk he didn't want to talk.

changbin had a permanent smile on the walk back and the entire rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twt: @junseobins


	4. take it back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which jisung doesnt want changbins stupid letterman jacket

changbin arrives to his first class early and has a few conversations with others. he felt strange. he was wearing a plain black shirt tucked into black skinny jeans and a belt but he didn't have his letterman jacket.

he spends the day looks for a certain blue haired boy. and finally in the library he spots him.

and changbin grins, cheeks going pink. he was wearing changbin's jacket.

more so, using it as a blanket, draped across his arms as he napped.

it made changbin so happy.

his crush wearing his jacket.

a jacket with his name embroidered and the patches he earned in football and baseball on the back.

jisung sleeps the entire study hour. at the end, in the hall, he comes up to changbin.

"here." he shoves the jacket at him.

"n-no." changbin stutters then clears his throat. "no. you can have it for a while."

jisung raises an eyebrow. "excuse me?"

"i said take it."

"so the seo changbin wants me to have his prized letterman jacket huh? again, hitting on me. well i don't want to be your possession, so take it. i don't want to have your name on my body." jisung was a little more aggressive.

"that's not why i want you to take it. you're not a possession. you just look cute in it."

something sparks in jisung's eyes. "take. the. fucking. jacket."

"no." changbin shakes his head.

"i don't like you, seo changbin. i don't want you to like me. take the fucking jacket and we won't have a problem."

"we have a problem?" changbin tilts his head.

"we will. we never did because i honestly found your pathetic flirting cute. you were cute. but if you don't take this jacket i will get bitchy with you." jisung snaps. "i don't need a jacket with your name on it to make people think i'm your slut now just like those girls and those stupid boys that let you fuck them. take the goddamn jacket now."

changbins mouth falls open. "you think i'm a fuckboy?"

"i know you are." jisungs body was trembling with anger. "fucking take it."

changbin snatches the jacket, a little annoyed now. "i'm not a fuckboy. i actually like you. but whatever. i don't know why the fuck you're such a piece of shit to people but all i have ever been is nice to you. so why don't you pull your head out of your ass and stop being a stuck up brat trying to act cool." 

jisung clenches his jaw then lands a solid punch to changbin's jaw. "you're a dick."

"i deserved that." changbin clears his throat. "but once you realize how much of a bitch you're being, stop by and we should have a talk." changbin huffs. "and for your information, i'm a fucking virgin."

jisung rolls his eyes, turning and stomping away.

all that over some jacket?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhh


	5. really?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> come on changbin

"you're really about to invite me after i called you a fuckboy four days ago?" jisung laughs.

"i'm not mad at you." changbin smiles. "do you want to come??" 

"no." jisung glares. "how about you stop hitting on me so much?? i think you're hot and all but really. no thanks."

changbin stares. "sorry?" 

"i'm flattered. really. i am. but i don't date. thanks."

changbin nods.

and that was the last time he saw jisung for nearly two weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its short but its important!!!!


	6. calm down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> changbin is freaking out

changbin paces his room as chan lay sprawled on his bed.

"why hasn't he been at school?" changbin groans.

"i dunno maybe he moved because you annoyed him so much." chan laughs, head hanging off the bed.

changbin flicks his neck and he coughs. "stop. i have a bad feeling."

"you're just hopelessly in love with him." chan shrugs. "he's probably just chillin' at home."

changbin groans again. "i don't know i just.... i feel like something is wrong." 

"you're overthinking just calm down, i'm sure he's fine." chan scoffs.

changbin plops next to his best friend and they stare at each other for a minute.

"you look good." chan mumbles. 

"what?"

"have you been using a new face wash or something? you look really fucking good."

changbin stares at him. "no."

chan shrugs. "you're just hot i guess."

"seriously? shut up you're so gay." changbin hits chan's chest and stares at the ceiling.

"i know. only for you." he laughs, throwing himself on top of changbin and jokingly trying to kiss him.

changbin lets out a yelp and soon they're wrestling, laughing.

"great, are you calm now?" chan laughs, plopping back onto the bed. 

"yeah i feel better." changbin smiles. "this is why you're my best friend."

chan stares at him for minute, something tugging at his heart. "yup."

"i'm going to change i'm tired."

chan stares intensely at changbin as he strips his shirt and changes into shorts. "have you been working out again?"

"i have yeah. it's football season i need to get back on it." changbin clears his throat. "why?"

"you look good." chan's tongue shoots out to wet his lips.

"stop staring i'll start to think you're falling in love with me."

chan forces a laugh. "gross. i'm taking a pair of sweatpants."

"you have a whole drawer of your own why take mine?" changbin grunts as he plops back onto his bed.

"i like yours better." chan strips his own shirt and changes into sweatpants before joining changbin again.

"you think jisung is fine?" changbin mumbles after a bit of silence.

"hes fine. stop being so lovesick. you should just get over him he really doesn't like you."

with a sigh, changbin tucks an arm under his head, the other across the pillow next to him. chan lays down, head on changbin's arm.

he turns and slings an arm across changbin's waist and scoots closer, head now on changbin's shoulder.

changbin lazily wraps the arm under chan around his shoulders. "i guess you're right." 

changbin sleeps quickly but chan finds himself awake and staring at him as he does, chewing his lip.

shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading


	7. where were you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung returns

changbin is making iced coffee on saturday morning in just his sweatpants when the doorbell rings.

he scrunches his nose. "chan! you have a key!!" he yells but the door doesn't open.

he groans and makes his way to the door.

"hyung?"

changbin's eyes widen. it had been two weeks since he had seen jisung. "holy shit what happened to your face?"

jisung inhales sharply, holding his own shirt. his eye was black, nose looked irritated like it had been bleeding and his lip split.

"jisung where were you? are you okay? it's freezing come here."

he pulls jisung inside and finds a hoodie, giving it to him and letting him sit down.

jisng doesn't say anything for a while. then, "sorry i shouldn't have come here." 

he stands to leave and changbin stops him. "hey are you okay? what happened??"

"i'm sorry." jisung sniffs, pulling away and rushing out the door.

monday at school he avoided changbin to every extent.

but in the library, as he sleeps, changbin sees that he is wearing his hoodie. he smiles.

he waits at the door for jisung but the smaller boy rushes past him.

"hey jisung," he calls, grabbing is arm gently.

jisung stops and changbin watches his body start shaking. "jisung??"

jisung turns and changbin sees the tears. "holy shit come here."

and jisung crumbles into his arms. oh my god.

changbin helps him through campus to his car. "let's go to mine and talk okay??"

jisung lets out a choked sob and nods, shaking hands buckling himself in.

the ride is filled with jisung's small sobs.

at changbin's he guides jisung to his room and turns to cup his face. "what's going on?"

jisung looks at him with with wide teary eyes and sniffs. changbin's thumbs catch the tears gently and he pulls jisung to his chest.

jisung clutches him tightly.

and he cries even harder.

changbin is completely stunned. just two weeks ago jisung called him a fuckboy and yelled and now he's crying in his arms.

"what happened??" changbin asks.

"it's not important." jisung begins to calm down, pulling away. changbin holds his puffy cheeks and they stare for a minute.

changbin's thumbs run over jisung's cheeks gently. "are you better?"

jisung nods softly. "i'm really tired." 

"you wanna nap? you can sleep." changbin smiles. jisung leans into one of his palms and his eyes close.

"do you want sweatpants? those jeans are uncomfortable." jisung nods, sniffing.

changbin steps back and rummages for a pair of sweats that would fit jisung's little waist and hands them to him. he goes to find more blankets and he comes back to jisung curled up in his bed. he drapes more blankets on him and lets jisung burrow into them.

"i'll be here when you wake up but you can stay here as long as you want." changbin smiles down at him, brushing hair from his forehead as jisung's eyes get heavy.

"thank you hyung."

changbin leaves and settles in the living room.

 

-

 

7 hours later it's nearly 9pm and changbin hears jisung pad downstairs.

he appears wrapped in a fuzzy blanket, hair sticking up everywhere and eyes heavy.

"hey, do you feel better?"

jisung huffs, sitting next to changbin, leaning over and plopping his head onto his lap.

he squirms a bit before looking up at him. "mmm thank you..."

changbin's fingers thread through his messy hair gently. "of course. are you hungry?"

jisung nods softly, eyes closing again and nuzzling closer.

changbin's heart flutters. "i can order food?"

jisung nods again and changbin orders what he wants and something for himself.

when the doorbell rings jisung sits up and crosses his legs Indian style as changbin gets the food.

he eats quietly and then sighs. "sorry for this."

"it's fine. you know i care about you."

"i don't know why you do. but thank you. you're all i really have and i'm a dick to you." jisung pouts at him.

changbin smiles. "no you're not. i understand. just know that i'm here for you and i want to be your friend. you're always welcome here." 

"you live here alone??"

"uhhh yeah sort of. chan stays a lot. he doesn't like his dorm mate." changbin smiles and takes the trash and throws it away.

he comes back and jisung is yawning.

"you're still tired??"

jisung nods. "i don't sleep that well at... home..." he pauses and then drawls out the word home.

"and where is home??"

jisung pauses. "a really gross and cheap apartment with a rapist landlord that i hate."

changbin scrunches his nose. "that sounds horrible."

"i'm pathetic."

"no you aren't." changbin says sternly.

"i'm poor and ugly so that's pretty pathetic." jisung shrugs.

"hey. you are not." changbin snaps. "jisung look at me." he does, unamused. "you're not ugly. you're one of the most gorgeous people i have ever met." 

jisung fails to hide the blush that spreads on his face. changbin smiles. 

"do you want to stay here tonight? get some good sleep??" changbin hums.

"if that's okay?" jisung whispers.

"of course. my bed is the best in the whole house i'll just sleep in chan's room." changbin smiles.

speaking of, the front door opens and chan steps in, sliding his shoes off. "yo bin- oh." 

"hi chan hyung." jisung whispers, sinking into the couch.

"uhm hello jisung."

chan gives changbin a strange look and changbin just waves him off.

chan disappears into his room.

later that night, jisung stands. "i'm going to bed, thank you again changbin."

"okay. if you need anything, chan and i will be across the hall to the left." changbin smiles.

jisung disappears and changbin heads up too, sliding into chan's room.

chan lay on his phone, shirtless and his hair a mess.

chan glances at him as he strips his shirt and jeans and plops next to him. "you sleeping here??"

"mhm. jisung is in mine." he mumbles, burying his face in chan's pillow. "your shampoo is nice."

"why is he staying here?"

"he just needs sleep and where he lives he doesn't get any." changbin shrugs, turning to look at chan.

"i see." chan clears his throat.

"are you in the mood to cuddle?" changbin huffs.

"always." chan squirms down and flicks the lamp off, turning into changbin's chest.

"goodnight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	8. scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung is scared

jisung was there a lot.

he even had his own key. it had been a few weeks and chan and changbin were used to it. 

he would come in and bow fast to them before making his way to changbin's room and shutting the door.

and changbin would find the clothes jisung wore (usually one of bin's shirts and shorts) on the bed and the bed made.

hell, jisung even had a toothbrush there.

some nights chan was there some nights he wasn't. tonight was one where he wasn't.

changbin was shirtless in the living room when the door opens and jisung appears.

he greets changbin and rushes upstairs. changbin fails to notice the tears.

later that night as changbin puts away a box of cereal in the kitchen he hears a very small, "changbin?"

he turns to see jisung in his big hoodie and shorts, his hair sticking up and his cheeks red and puffy from crying.

"are you okay? what happened?"

"can i... will you.." he stutters a while. "i had a bad day and a nightmare and i... i can't sleep alone when i- when i have a nightmare and it's okay if you don't want to but-"

"i'll hold you, jisung. let me finish cleaning chan's mess from this afternoon stay there." 

after he finishes he turns everything off and guides jisung upstairs.

in his bedroom he turns on the lamp and lets jisung climb into bed.

he joins, turning the lamp off and turning to jisung. "how do you want to...?" 

jisung flips so his back is to changbin and changbin feels his cheeks heat up.

but he wraps a strong arm around jisung's waist and tugs him back. he notices then how bad he is shaking and how rapid his breathing is. he's having a panic attack.

"hey hey... how do i calm you down??" 

"skin- you have to- shit i'm sorry this is so weird-" he snaps his mouth shut as changbin's hands slide under the hoodie and his lips press to the back of his neck. "y-yeah." he whispers.

changbin rubs gently on jisung's skin and feels him sink back into his body. 

changbin holds him tighter, running his palm up and down jisungs torso slowly. finally he falls asleep.

changbin stills his hands and gets comfortable, his heart beating.

he can't believe he has jisung right there.


	9. quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung is very quiet
> 
> UNEDITED

when changbin wakes up, his hand is spread on jisung's warm stomach who lays on his back next to him.

changbin yawns and rolls onto his back, followed by jisung who was awake before him, who clutches his waist and scoots closer.

without a word changbin accepts him, putting his hands back.

 

jisung lets out a sigh.

and then they dont move. or speak. for hours.

it's saturday so.

jisung shuffles every once in a while but only to get impossibly closer.

changbins hand slides up and down his back and he stares at the ceiling.

its been so many hours of comfortable silence.

at 4pm, jisung rolls out of bed and disappears.

he returns and grabs his shoes and clothes and disappears again. 

but he doesn't return.

did changbin upset him??

 

-

 

changbins question is answered when jisung returns that night. 

instead of disappearing immediately, he sits on the couch and squirms his way into changbins arms.

"are you okay?" 

jisung shakes his head no. "but youre comforting. sorry if this is weird i know just the other week i was at your throat but for some reason you calm me down." jisung explains.

"do you need me to hold you tonight?"

"if you can." jisung whispers.

later, they head upstairs. jisung stares at the shirt for second before he pulls it off and doesnt reach for another.

changbin does the same, trying not to look at jisung.

"you have a nice body." 

changbin stares at him. "did you just compliment me?"

jisungs cheeks turn pink. "lets go to sleep." 

they climb in together. jisung settles on his back but as he goes to pull the blanket up, changbin stops him to flatten his hand on jisungs stomach.

jisungs cheeks turn redder as changbin props himself up and runs his fingers over jisungs skin. 

"what are you doing?" 

"calming you down."

jisung lets out a huff. "stop looking at me like that it makes my stomach flip."

changbin smiles. "youre pretty." 

"stop hitting on me."

changbin tugs him to his chest as he lays down and it goes quiet.

his delicate fingers trace jisungs smooth skin and eventually the younger falls asleep.


	10. at school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung is different at school

*TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF RAPE AND ABUSE. HOMOPHOBIC SLURS*

 

although jisung had been sleeping in changbin's room with changbin's clothes and even with changbin sometimes, he was completely different with him at school.

he ignored him almost completely.

he would acknowledge him with a look and nothing else.

the reason was something changbin would never guess.

jisung was falling for changbin. and he knew it.

and he was scared.

he had a lot of bad past experiences as well as his current family issues and he knew that it was bad.

every time he asked changbin to sleep with him, his heart pounded. and how his hands spread on his skin and-

fuck this wasn't good.

but he needed changbin.

he really wasn't sure why he went to changbin in the first place honestly. he just... his heart took him there and he knew changbin would accept him.

"hey! jisung!" shit. "i'm throwing a party at my house. i didn't last week but i am tonight." the look on his face had almost worry on it.

"that's fine i wont be there." jisung mumbles.

changbin glances at his bare arms. "why aren't you wearing a jacket? it's cold." 

and before jisung could refuse changbin shakes his letter man jacket off and drapes it over jisung's shoulders. 

jisung feels his face heat up as he accepts it this time. 

changbin grins widely. "better?"

jisung nods softly. "thank you, hyung."

stop falling, stop falling, stop falling, STOP.

but as changbin pulls him into a hug and presses his lips to the top of his head, he inhales sharply.

changbin gives him a warm smile and disappears.

god.

 

-

 

well jisung lied.

he did come but not to party and definitely not to sleep.

he weaves through the crowd in his sweatpants and changbin's jacket, up the stairs, and into changbin's room where he closes the door and locks it.

with a sigh he finds one of changbin's hoodies and pulls it on and then the letter man jacket again, cold and tired.

he curls up in bed and lets himself cry.

all he can think about is his dad.

and he can hear the loud music and pounding bass over his loud cries. 

all he can pray is, please changbin, come look for me.

and changbin, rather sober, wonders. he knew he saw jisung come in. where did he go??

he searches and searches and eventually heads upstairs. he knew chan was locked in his room and there were couples banging in other rooms but he knocks on his, right on the sign he made that says "off limits, all horny teens." 

"jisung??" he calls. he waits.

eventually the door unlocks and it reveals a very bundled jisung.

"hey," changbin smiles. "you alright??"

jisung shakes his head. "are you busy? can you hold me? fuck can you please hold me??"

and jisung is crying.

"whoa what's wrong? jisung?" he gently pushes jisung back into the room and locks the door.

"please... god it's so weird i just need your skin and i-" jisung chokes on a sob.

changbin doesn't hesitate to strip his shirt and help jisung out of his jacket and the hoodie.

in bed, changbin pulls jisung to straddle his waist, sitting up.

"jisung, look at me, look at me hey look." changbin's hands run up his sides gently and jisung starts to calm down, his own fingers just barely touching changbin. "what's going on?"

jisung leans down and buries his face in changbin's neck. "will you be mad at him?"

"at who?"

"my dad."

"that depends."

"he raped me." 

changbin goes silent. then, "he what?"

"more than once. and if i refuse him he beats me but then he calls me a faggot and everything and its been happening for so long and my first boyfriend abused me and cheated on me and this is a lot at once but when i start i cant stop fuck my whole body hurts he makes me feel so disgusting and cold and thats why i want you to touch my skin because you make me feel better and im so sorry-"

"take a breath, baby."

but that doesn't help jisung's breathing.

slowly, his breathing evens out.

"i will never hurt you jisung, i will always be here okay? i'm not afraid to beat someone up for you. does your ex still bother you?" changbin's voice was so smooth.

"sometimes." jisung whispers.

"tell me when he does. you tell me immediately, i'll fix it jisung."

jisung looks at him with wide eyes and tear filled cheeks. "you'll fix it?"

changbin wipes the tears. "yeah. i'll fix it." he smiles. 

the music was still pounding but they still lay there.

changbin's hands run all over jisung's back and sides and kisses his cheek every little while and jisung felt so incredibly safe and warm.

so impossibly warm.

but, at school on monday, he acts again like he and changbin didn't cuddle halfway naked all weekend.

but he wears changbin's hoodie and every time he sees him in the hall smiling and laughing with his football friends, his heart swells.

he's really falling in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will be slow for a while since i dont have a phone, it broke but hopefully a few times a week! and i will let you know on my twitter @junseobins


	11. ill fix it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> changbin fixes it

when he told changbin about his ex and dad, he didn't expect his ex to appear so soon.

"jisung." 

the voice makes him freeze, holding the book in his hand. the library was quiet.

it wasn't school, jisung was grateful for that.

he gulps. "m-minho.."

said boy grins wide. "hello my love."

"uhm please leave me alone." jisung tries to step around but minho's hand is on his throat. 

"you don't decide when you leave." he spits.

jisung cant breathe, let alone answer. he nods lightly, trying to get minho's hand off of his throat.

but minho squeezes. hard.

jisung makes a choking noise.

"you can't escape forever, you fucking brat." he drops jisung and disappears.

jisung gasps for air and sits on the floor of the aisle.

panic settles and he rushes out, sprinting down the multiple blocks until he gets to changbin's large house. 

he fumbles with his keys and bursts in.

chan is sprawled on the couch shirtless eating chips. "whoa jisung. why is your neck purple?"

jisung lets out a few broken sobs. "i-is c-changbin here?" he stutters.

"yeah yeah of course. CHANGBIN!" he screams, standing up. "are you alright? let me see your neck." the second chan's fingers touch his neck, he lets out a yelp and drops into a squat.

they hear stumbling and then a very tired looking changbin appears. messy hair, shirtless, sweatpants so low it was dangerous.

"jisung." he kneels next to him and jisung gasps for hair, clawing at his own throat. "stop hey! hey stop that!" he snatches jisung's hands.

jisung sobs loudly. "h-he grabbed my th-throat and-" he gasps again trying to pull out of changbin's grasp, shaking his head vigorously.

"jisung look at me." changbin soothes. jisung's eyes meet his, wide and panicked. "i'm right here. nothing can hurt you. just breathe." 

they stare at each other as jisung catches his breath. they stand together.

"can i see it?" changbin asks.

jisung tilts his head back and changbin's delicate fingers meet his neck. "oh my god jisung. your throat is so bruised. who did this?"

"my ex." jisung whimpers, leaning his head down.

changbin's jaw twitches. "what's his name?"

"lee minho." jisungs voice shook.

"chan?" changbin turns.

"yeah i know him. i know his house." chan looked... angry? "are we going?"

"let me grab a shirt."

"hyung where are you-"

"if he did that to you, he's going to pay for it," chan spits. "that's wrong."

chan didn't even know him...

jisung was grateful. he didn't want them to go after minho but at the same time he really wanted minho to leave him alone.

so he lets them go. he lets changbin kiss his forehead and brush his fingers over his cheek, he lets chan smile and he lets the door close.

jisung collapses on the couch, knees to his chest, and focuses on whatever chan was watching.

they were gone for so long.

jisung was getting nervous.

but then the door opens.

the two stride in. changbin had a split lip and what looked like a bloody nose but otherwise, looked unharmed. chan had nothing at all.

"i fixed it." changbin smiles. "he won't bother you. and if he does, i'll just break another few ribs."

"you broke-"

"he broke like 3 of his ribs and his nose, jisung." chan laughs.

jisung blinks. "seriously? he only hit you-"

"twice. tiny little hands." changbin laughs. "i'm going to go clean my face off." 

jisung purses his lips.

he doesn't fail to notice the way chan watches changbin strip his shirt.

jisung tilts his head at the eldest.

he watches the way chan's eyes scan his best friend and he knows.

so when he hears changbin close the door to the bathroom up stairs and start the shower, he asks. 

"chan. are you in love with changbin?"

chans head snaps to him. "i- wait- hold on- jisung- i-" he stutters.

"you are." jisung whispers.

"jisung wait. i don't know..." chan rubs the back of his neck.

"i can see it." jisung didn't mean to sound so hurt. "you should go after him." 

"uhm no. he likes someone. a lot. like so much." chan smiles sadly. "it's okay." 

"he likes someone?"

"i think i'm going to sleep." chan whispers, basically running upstairs.

jisung sighs. he had no chance.

he makes his way upstairs, stripping his shirt and pants, finding a pair of pajama pants instead.

changbin appears in his pajama pants, rubbing his hair with a towel. "do you want me in here tonight??"

jisung licks his lips as he stares. "mmm yeah." he whispers. 

changbin chuckles. "why are you acting all weird?"

jisung snaps out of staring and blushes. "nothing."

changbin climbs into bed and turning the light off and pulling jisung to his chest.

"chan said that you like someone. a lot. can i know who it is?"

changbin pauses. "uhm. no."

"why?"

"i don't tell people my crushes." 

"hmm, tell me about them." jisung stares up at him as he rubs his back and stares at the ceiling.

"well, hes absolutely gorgeous. hes really bossy sometimes but super nice. he looks good with any hair color. his laugh is so sweet it makes me melt. i would do absolutely anything for him." he sighs. "but he doesn't like me."

"how do you know?"

"i just know, jisung." 

it goes quiet. "okay changbin. i like someone too but his best friend is in love with him and i'm pretty sure he likes him back so i'm not going to try." 

changbin's jaw twitches. "okay."

it was so unbelievably awkward.

but jisung gets more comfortable and falls asleep fast.

changbin stays up, thinking.


	12. who do you like?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung is so curious

"hyung." jisung whines.

maybe they had gotten closer and maybe jisung had opened up a little more to changbin.

currently, changbin was doing homework on his bed, shirtless, and jisung was sprawled on his lap, changbin's laptop on his stomach.

changbin scribbles on his paper. "mmm?"

"who do you like?"

changbin grunts lowly. "it's not important."

chan knocks then steps in, not surprised by jisung's position, and plops next to changbin.

he sticks his face in front of the screen. changbin blinks at him then kisses his forehead and shoos him.

chan sputters before standing. "i-i was going out to that bar tonight if you two want to come." he clears his throat.

changbin hums again. "yeah let me finish this sheet."

chan looks at jisung. "sure."

chan smiles and stands awkwardly by the bed for a minute. 

"chan." changbin mumbles.

"yes?"

changbin gestures for him to lean down and he does, accepting changbin's kiss on the cheek. "now leave us alone before jisung starts squirming."

chan leaves quickly.

"hmmm," jisung mumbles. "do you like him?"

changbin snickers. "jesus no. chan and i have been best friends for so long it's just natural for that stuff. he's like a brother."

jisung narrows his eyes. "i see. i don't think he sees you as a brother hyung."

changbin laughs. "he isn't gay."

jisung snorts. "you're really stupid changbin."

changbin closes his laptop and puts it to the side, replacing its warmth with his own hands on jisung's bare stomach. he rubs softly until jisung rolls away and stands. "let's get ready for the club then."

 

-

 

they didn't dress up too crazy. well jisung found a crop top just for changbin. but changbin doesn't know that.

jisung had a coat over it.

they reach a table and set their things on the seat and jisung strips his coat, revealing his shirt.

"okay no," changbin snaps. "put your coat on."

jisung scoffs. "why?"

"your stomach is showing." changbin glares.

"you're not my boyfriend." changbin snaps his mouth shut.

"you still shouldn't dress like that," changbin huffs.

and he keeps a strong eye on jisung the whole night as he drinks and dances with strangers.

when chan is ready to go home, changbin goes after jisung. he was the driver so he was sober.

"jisung its time to go." he slides an arm around jisungs revealed waist and holds him tightly.

jisung groans. "my feet hurt."

"i'll carry you," changbin leans down and sweeps jisung's legs up, carrying him bridal style to the car where chan waits with their things.

jisung makes little noises as changbin buckles him in and they head home.

changbin carries him in and up to his room, letting chan kiss his cheek before disappearing for the night.

jisung squirms on the bed and lets out a whine. "bin hyung." he calls.

changbin chuckles as he pulls his shirt over his head and changes into pajama pants.

"you know i love you right?" jisung slurs.

changbin pauses. "what are you on about?"

"i love you a lot changbin." jisung hiccups, looking at him with his drunken eyes.

"maybe we should talk about this when you're sober." and with that he helps jisung change and they are tangled up in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading uwu


	13. the call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning

*TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE, ABUSE, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, DEPRESSION, HOMOPHOBIC SLURS*

well they didn't get to talk about it the next morning because with jisung's pounding hangover headache, his father calls.

and he rushes out, leaving a half asleep changbin sitting up in bed, hair sticking up and squinting as he goes.

he doesn't think much of it throughout the day but gets a little worried the later it gets.

and he should.

because jisung lay on his childhood bed in his crumbling house, naked and shaking.

he cries silently, slowing covering himself with the blanket as his dad leaves the room.

he knows he will be back in to yell in a few minutes and he knows he should at least have underwear on so its easier to run out.

but he doesn't get time because as his aching legs move to get out of bed, the door bursts open.

"i can't believe you made me do that! you are so disgusting! how dare you-" jisung lets the noise fade but he hears something he hasn't heard his dad say before.

his dad has told him many things but he never went this far. never.

maybe that's why jisung believed it.

"you piece of shit! this is why you have no one. no one loves you you should just fucking disappear. take some pills or shoot yourself i think everyone would be happier anyway you fucking faggot." 

jisung feels his head spin at his words. "okay. i will."

and he finds his clothes, shakily pulling them on.

the words hit his ears but he doesn't hear them.

he pushes his way out the door and hes running, his legs burning.

hes happy no one is home. no one can stop him.

but changbin is home, studying with music playing, and doesn't hear jisung stumble into the bathroom and lock the door.

changbin was getting worried, staring at his phone, jisung's contact open.

and jisung was just down the hall, shuffling through the pills in the bathroom and he begins to swallow.

one after another until half the bottle is gone.

and then, changbin hits call.

it rings and rings and then, "h-hyung."

"are you okay? you've been gone all day i'm getting a little worried. we need to talk about last night." he huffs, gnawing his lip.

"changbin,"

"because i love you jisung. i really love you so much."

"i took pills."

"you... took pills? do you have a headache?"

"i took half a bottle of pills. or more. i don't know i'm taking a lot." 

"wait jisung." changbin realizes. "holy shit stop! jisung where are you?!"

"the bathroom." his voice was so weak. "i'm going to take a nap." 

"han jisung do not close your eyes unlock the door." he throws his phone into his pocket and sprints to the bathroom, pushing on the door. "JISUNG!"

he doesn't hesitate to kick the door in.

jisung sat on the toilet, head leaning on the wall, eyes half closed, hand clutching the almost empty pill bottle.

changbin snatches it, grabbing jisung's face. "open your eyes baby. look at me please." 

jisung's pupils were hazy as he looked at changbin, "no one wants me this is for the best." he slurs out, head lolling.

changbin holds him there, letting himself cry. "baby i want you. listen to me, i love you so much we can figure this out just stay awake."

he scrambles and calls 911, explaining to the operator and following her instructions, keeping jisung awake and giving him nasal spray (the naloxone reverses the effects).

and jisung cries. "i'm so happy you called me... i'm so happy changbin..." he sobs.

"i am too, i am too..."

 

-

 

changbin opens the front door for jisung. "i think we should go and get the things from your apartment you can move in, we can get a mattress and clean another room for you."

jisung nods softly, turning to look at him and opening his arms.

changbin pulls him to his chest and sways them softly, jisung clutching his shirt.

"never do that again... come and talk to me first... please jisung."

"i'm so glad you called me..." jisung whispers.

changbin kisses the side of his head and rubs his back. "i meant what i said. i love you, jisung."

"i'm really tired."


	14. lets talk about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> come ON jisung

it had been a week. jisung had officially moved in but was avoiding changbin at all costs. he would rather have nightmares and get 2 hours asleep than have the chance for changbin to talk to him.

and changbin is worried.

he watches over jisung a lot, making sure he isn't locked in his room.

he's just... paranoid.

jisung settles onto the opposite side of the couch as him one night and changbin glances.

he takes his chance.

"jisung?"

"never mind." jisung stands to leave. 

"wait can we talk about it?" changbin stops him.

"i don't want to." jisung whispers.

"we really need to." changbin begs.

"maybe later." 

changbin sighs. "i wasn't lying." 

jisung doesn't say anything. "goodnight hyung."

"please come to my room if you can't sleep.." changbin whispers.

jisung sighs. "yeah, i will." 

and he did.

around 1am, changbin was passed out when he jolts awake to the feeling of a hand on his stomach.

"chan-"

"not even close." jisung snaps.

"... jisung.." changbin whispers into the darkness. he pulls jisung's body into his and holds him.

"i didn't want to wake you. sorry." jisung whispers, nuzzling his head on changbin's chest.

"it's okay. are you good? did you have a nightmare?" jisung nods lightly. "it's okay. i've got you now and i love you."

"changbin..."

"can we please talk about it? jisung i have loved you since you first came here... really i have. you're the crush i talked about. i love you so much and i want to help you. i want to be here for you." changbin starts but jisung butts in.

"i don't think you love me."

"i do. so fucking much jisung." and changbin is crying.

jisung is silent for a long time before he replies. "i love you too."

"can i take you on a date? a nice one? i want you to be happy."

jisung is silent again. "yeah. i guess you can."

"goodnight jisung."

"goodnight, changbin hyung."

 

-

 

the date was nice.

changbin took him to this almost fancy restaurant with annoyingly expensive food and wine. he smiles as jisung scans the menu with a scowl. "this shit is so expensive." he scoffs. "is it gold or something?" changbin lets out a soft sigh and leans his chin on his palm, staring openly at jisung. "stop that." jisung groans. "why?" "haven't i told you, it makes my stomach all fuzzy when you stare like that?" jisung pouts. "you're just so pretty, jisung." changbin purrs, making jisung blush hard. "shut up." the waitress appears and they order, changbin also ordering a nice wine as well. jisung sips at it and smiles. "have i told you that you look absolutely sexy in that?" changbin sputters on his wine. "i-i'm sorry?" "that shirt really shows off your chest. and your arms. fuck you look hot as fuck. why do you look so fucking sexy? god that's so distracting and unfair." jisung grumbles, downing the rest of his glass. with a laugh and a bright smile, changbin refills it. "thank you. i do play sports." jisung crinkles his nose. "i don't like athletes that much." "i can quit!" changbin looks panicked. "if you want me to i can quit!" "lord changbin. i'm not telling you to quit. you're happy playing football and baseball i won't stop you. it's just not my favorite." jisung giggles. changbin lets out a breath. "if you change your mind-" "i won't, bin." changbin sighs and the food arrives. it was absolutely delicious. they eat quietly and changbin pays. "one more place to go." jisung nods and is quiet on the ride there. the sun was setting as they pulled through some trees to changbin's favorite hilltop park. "this is so pretty." jisung smiles. changbin grins at him. "yeah? i love this place. i come here to write a lot." jisung smiles and they get out. the sky was a mix of orange and pink and purple and jisung can't help but sigh. changbin slides his hands around jisung's waist to rest on his stomach and rests his chin on jisung's shoulder. jisung sinks back into him and smiles lightly. "you know," changbin starts. "i wasn't lying. i'm in love with you jisung. i really am." jisung feels his face heat up despite the cold air. he turns in changbin's arms, his hands smoothing changbin's shirt out, avoiding eye contact. "you know," jisung smirks. "i think i'm in love with you too, seo changbin." and when he finally makes eye contact, changbin's eyes are shining brightly. "really?" jisung giggle softly, wrapping his arms around changbin's neck as the older holds his hips. "yeah. you're really hard to resist." changbin grins wide. "great, does this mean i can kiss you?" jisung stares for a second. "i would be pretty disappointed if you didn't." and then changbin's lips are on his. his lips are so warm and soft and jisung almost falls, his legs go all weak. he presses closer and kisses back, his whole body tingling. changbin's hands are so warm on his hips and his body so strong it's like jisung's small fragile body is only there because changbin is holding him. their lips move slowly together and jisung's stomach fills with butterflies while changbin's forms a big knot. jisung is right there, kissing him back, after all that time changbin had wished for it. and they part with heavy breaths that turn into mist in the air, leaning their foreheads together. jisung lets out a soft laugh and pecks changbin's lips again. "i love you a lot, changbin." "gosh it feels amazing to hear that." and it did. his whole heart swelled as it pounded in his chest. he was so happy. he holds jisung's hand in his own as he drives them home and jisung sings along to the songs on the radio making changbin smile. this is all he ever wanted.


	15. happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :D

it had been a week.

everything was perfect at home but at school, jisung avoided his boyfriend at school.

honestly, changbin was getting annoyed.

so at home on friday, he asks jisung.

"do you not want people to know?" 

jisung stares him. "about what?"

"us."

jisung blinks once. twice. he swallows his noodles. "i don't know what you mean."

"you won't look at me at school and when we get home you're all over me. why?"

"have you come out yet? does the school know that you like boys?" jisung blurts.

"yeah," changbin shrugs. "i dated that felix kid." 

jisung exhales through his nose. "that's good."

"so?"

"i think i'm tired."

"you think? have you not been open to the school?" changbin pries.

jisung clenches his fists. "how am i supposed to do that when no one likes me? just because you're the schools jock who everyone is in love with doesn't mean every one is liked. they hate me." jisung snaps.

"jisung. do you care what they think?" changbin soothes him.

"no. i don't care. but i thought you did so i-"

changbin leans over and kisses him deeply making jisung's whole body go numb. "baby i love you. i don't care what they think. you know i'll break a few ribs if they come after you."

jisung sighs. "sorry."

"so can i show how much i love you then? will you sit with me at lunch? can i walk you to classes and drive you to school?" changbin's eyes shine.

"okay."

"do you wanna cuddle? i can sing for you?"

jisung perks up. "please?"

changbin smiles. "yeah. let's finish the dishes and let me call chan okay? i haven't seen him in over a week."

"have you told him?"

"what do you mean? i haven't seen him jisung no i haven't told him."

jisung nods.

he waits for changbin in bed after they clean so he can call chan.

changbin comes in and silently strips his shirt and jeans, turning the light out.

"did he answer?"

"uhm yeah." changbin sounded distant.

"and?"

"he said he was with his mom, she's sick, and then i told him about you and he said 'oh. i'm happy,' and hung up? i dunno he sounded off."

"i mean his mom is sick. he will be okay." jisung smiles.

changbin nods, pulling him to his chest, kissing his forehead.

"sing for me."

 

-

 

jisung gnaws on his lip as they park, playing with his jacket as they walk in.

changbin takes his hand and smiles.

and everyone looks.

changbin tugs him closer, kissing his head, smiling wide.

and then jisung meets his friends.

"hey guys this is my boyfriend, jisung." changbin beams.

"hey," the boys smile.

they seemed nice... they looked scary in their letter man jackets with popularity just pouring out of them.

jisung bows softly, sinking closer to changbin.

"that's mark, johnny, jackson, sungjin, seungcheol and mingyu." changbin introduces and then chuckles, noticing how jisung was practically hiding behind him. "baby you don't have to hide. they're nice i promise."

"you've got yourself a shy one huh?" seungcheol laughs. "don't worry we won't bite."

jisung nods and takes a deep breath.

changbin squeezes his hand, so incredibly proud of him, knowing how much jisung hated people, hated being the center of attention.

"i'm jisung, changbin's- uh yeah changbin's jisung." he blushes.

changbin's heart pounds at the way he says it. 

the bell rings and it signals five minutes so changbin says bye and turns.

jisung lets out a breath and changbin slides his arm around jisung's waist.

"i'm so proud of you." he whispers.

and jisung felt so happy. he had someone.

he even lets changbin kiss him outside the door to his class in front of everyone.

"i love you, jisungie." he whispers softly.

"i love you too, binnie." he smiles back and pecks his lips again before disappearing into his class.

and he got stares but this time not stares talking about how mean he was or anything. stares because he was changbin's boyfriend.

and that was everything to him.

at lunch he had somewhere to sit, somewhere to go. changbin was leaned back in his seat, engaged in the conversation as he ate, laughing and smiling.

but he had his arm around jisung and he would occasionally turn and kiss his cheek or smile and jisung felt included, even if he didn't talk.

"i like him," mingyu laughs. "he's quiet. we need a quiet one in this crazy group."

jisung smiles.

"and he looks nice with you. you two look good." jackson points out.

"thanks," changbin grins.

"not to mention that you two look at each other like some sappy romance movie. gross." mark fake gags.

"it's cute. you two are good together. jisung, you're good for him." johnny offers a welcoming smile which makes jisung sit up.

"thank you."

and jisung was happy.


	16. more cuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hehe

it's thursday morning and the alarm rings. 

jisung groans lowly, flipping to turn it off before flinging himself across his boyfriend's body.

changbin locks his arms around jisung and lets out a pathetic sounding cough.

"you don't look good." jisung yawns. "are you sick? i told you to stop giving me your jacket."

it had been one month and honestly, jisung was used to the attention, he even smiled and nodded at people, more confident.

changbin's friends were nice too, he liked them.

changbin smacks his lips and peeks his eyes open to peer at the boy on top of him. "mmm that's an amazing sight to wake up to." he coughs again, voice raspy and hoarse.

jisung flattens his hand on changbin's forehead to which changbin gives a puppy smile, taking his hand and kissing his palm and fingers. "stop that i'm trying to see if your forehead is warm."

changbin makes a grunting noise and lets him.

"shit you're really warm, changbinnie. how about you stay home today? i'll stay too, and i'll make you some soup?"

changbin smiles before coughing. "you're amazing, i feel like crap."

"okay, but i'm going to sleep more first."

"me too,"

changbin tightens his grip on jisung and get comfortable, both drifting back to sleep.

 

-

 

around noon, jisung rolls away and gets up, the cool air hitting his bare chest and stomach making him shiver.

he steps into the kitchen after grabbing one of changbin's shirts and pulling it on over his underwear, and starts changbin's soup, munching on crackers as he does.

a little while later he hears a bit of shuffling and then changbin's very warm hands slide up his shirt, holding his stomach, and he tugs jisung closer, kissing his neck and humming. "my baby is making me soup."

jisung feels his cheeks go hot as changbin's hands roam his torso and his lips sear into his neck. "w-what-"

"you're so nice to hold," changbin mummers.

"fuck," jisung mumbles, why does changbin have to be so... cute?

"what? did you burn yourself?"

"n-no you're just being really sweet and it's making my heart go crazy.." jisung admits.

changbin lets out a chuckle. "that's good. i'm glad i have that effect on you, baby."

"j-just sit down s-so i can give y-you your soup and m-medicine." jisung stammers.

changbin slides away and sits, coughing lightly and sniffing.

jisung sets the bowl down and changbin gives him a lazy smile, eyes lidded.

jisung stands behind him, first his hands run though changbin's hair as he slowly eats the soup, then down his neck to the back of his shoulders and then back up around to the front of his chest where he lets out a low hmph noise. "why are you touching me like that when i'm trying to eat?"

"your body is so nice. you have really good skin too. and your muscle is nice to feel too. you're nice to look at." jisung mumbles, fingers trailing down changbin's spine.

changbin seems to scoot forward in the chair (which had a low back only to the bottoms of the hips, like a bar stool) and jisung's hands slide down to the bottom of his back then back up, absolutely mesmerized.

he shakes out of it. "i'll get some medicine."

changbin nods, standing to put the bowl away.

when jisung returns he is sitting again and waiting for jisung.

jisung gives him the pills and cough syrup, watching him take it and letting him wash it down with juice.

changbin smacks his lips and yawns. "can i nap?"

"you should rest, yes." 

"join me." 

"no, i'm gonna clean okay?" changbin holds his arms out and jisung steps up to him, standing between his legs.

changbin's tired eyes were half closes, the corners of his lips turned up as he looks up at jisung from his chair.

his hands find jisung's hips and he puckers his lips.

"no, you're sick." 

changbin pouts and whines.

with an eye roll, jisung pecks his lips.

changbin grins and stands, kissing jisung's forehead and retreating to his bed.

at that moment a shirtless and very tired chan appears in the kitchen.

"hi hyung." jisung smiles.

chan squints and yawns. "hi, jisung. why are you home??"

"i could ask you the same." jisung purses his lips. "there's soup on the stove you can have."

chan nods. he ruffles jisung's hair as he passes making jisung give a bright smiles, glad chan shows some form of affection to show that he doesn't absolutely hate jisung.

chan ladles himself some soup and sits. "i just didn't want to go. i didn't get a lot of sleep." 

jisung nods. 

"too stiff and tensed up." chan grumbles.

he did seem stressed.

jisung blushes at the thought but asks anyway. "i could rub your back?"

chan side eyes him. "what?"

"i-i'm good at it! i swear i'm not doing it to be weird you don't even have to move you can sit there and eat i can just rub your muscles if they're tense i mean you seem stressed and massages are good to distress it was just a suggestion you don't have to-"

"god stop rambling and rub my back." chan groans. "this soup is good."

"changbin is sick so.."

chan nods.

jisung is hesitant at first but as he begins to rub at the stiff muscles on chan's back he eases into it, rubbing with more purpose.

"thank you god that's amazing." chan huffs. he had finished his soup and was just laying his head on the counter.

he felt a lot more loose and relaxed when jisung was done and stands, stretching.

jisung takes his bowl and washes it.

"you're like the little brother i always needed." chan smiles at him.

"you have changbin."

"he's not... he doesn't... he's just... he's more of the older one." chan finally gets out. "thank you jisung,"

chan presses a friendly kiss to the top of his head and disappears.

weird.

 

-

 

jisung had cleaned the kind of messy house and around 6, changbin and chan both appear.

jisung scowls, grabbing changbin's waist band and yanking it up.

"yo!" changbin yelps. 

"they were fucking falling off." jisung huffs.

changbin rolls his eyes. "my head hurts."

"take some tylenol, baby."

it goes silent and when he turns from wiping down the coffee table, both shirtless and messy haired boys stare at him.

"what?"

"what did you call me?"

jisung's face goes red. "uhm, baby..?"

"you never use pet names." chan pipes in.

jisung shrugs. "it slipped."

"i like it. a lot. say it again." changbin pulls jisung into his chest by the hips.

he looked sick and tired but still managed to make jisung flustered.

"baby," jisung states.

changbin groans. "it's so cute when you say it,"

jisung buries his face in changbin's shirt.

chan laughs. "you're both disgusting."

jisung whines making changbin laugh too.

they eat dinner together and go to sleep early after doping changbin up on medicine.

 

-

 

the next morning, the normal alarm goes off and changbin lets out a whine, stretching.

jisung yawns, sitting up and turning it off.

they wake up a bit and jisung rolls over. "how do you feel?"

changbin links an arm around his boyfriend. "much better."

"you look better." jisung smiles.

"great i'll throw my party tonight still."

"i might make an appearance." jisung yawns again, standing.

"you should come with me. i want you to be there."

"i live here."

changbin rolls his eyes, watching jisung find clothes to wear, settling on black skinny jeans and a blue shirt.

he stares at changbin's hoodies and pulls off his letter man jacket instead, sliding it on.

"okay," jisung smiles as his boyfriend searches for clothes.

he wears his usual black shirt and jeans and belt and then they're sharing the bathroom brushing teeth.

 

-

 

jisung sighs, party already in full blast downstairs and stares at himself in the mirror.

chan had told him changbin likes jisung's skin, so he wore a crop top. the one from the bar.

and he found some fishnets which he put on under ripped grey jeans and boots.

he even found a choker and some eye makeup and had made a smoky look.

why was he dressing up for some college party? he wouldn't have done this 4 months ago.

with a sigh jisung trails through the crowd searching for his boyfriend.

he gets stares and even a cat call but he keeps searching.

finally he finds changbin and pops up next to him, pecking his cheek.

changbin shakes himself from his conversation to glance at jisung. he looks back up only to snap his head back down.

"han jisung." he growls. "what is that?"

"chan told me to..." he whispers, biting his lip.

"you look so pretty." changbin's eyes are soft now. "but everyone else thinks so too."

"then show them whose pretty boy i am." jisung gives a sly smile making a mischievous glint appear in changbin's eyes.

he slides his hands around jisung's bare waist, both aware of the dozens of eyes on them, and kisses him fast.

it was hot and sloppy but so, so amazing.

jisung clutches his shirt as they make out and doesn't even jump when changbin gives his butt a small squeeze, just smiling against his lips instead.

they hear a few whistles and hoots and part with red lips and beating hearts.

changbin gives him one more sweet kiss before tugging jisung into his side and turning to continue his conversation.

jisung felt wanted. included. loved.

everything he had missed out on his whole life was right here with changbin.

he had everything.

he stares up at changbin as he talks, completely content.

and at 4am when people were trailing out or passing out on the floor, he was so tired he begs changbin to carry him to their bed.

changbin helps him out of his jeans and the annoying fishnets and the shirt, offering a soft hoodie that jisung drowns in.

jisung flops onto the mattress and smiles as changbin undresses.

changbin joins him, pulling jisung to his chest.

jisung lets his fingers trail the defined muscle on his torso with little giggles. "my boyfriend is ripped."

"did you drink behind my back or something?"

"maybe a few vodka concoctions from channie hyung." jisung gives him a sloppy smile.

changbin scoffs. "that explains it."

jisung ends up passing out to changbin's fingers roaming his back over the soft sweatshirt, humming to him and changbin can only smile.

he dreamed this for so long.

now he has everything he ever wished for.


	17. our last cuddly chapter uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hehe dont hate me

*TRIGGER WARNING: FIGHTING, NAME CALLING, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE*

"2 months and 8 days." changbin gives a small smile against jisung's neck as he slides his arms around his boyfriend from behind.

jisung sighs. "do you have to do this every morning?"

changbin hums. "of course my lovely."

"you two are gross." chan groans, opening the fridge.

jisung sticks his tongue out, finishing the eggs and then bacon and starts setting out the array of breakfast food he had made.

changbin and chan sit down and dig in. 

jisung sets orange juice down for changbin and milk down for chan and then finds himself cereal.

"why don't you eat some of what you cooked?" changbin asks, swallowing his eggs.

"i'm not a fan of eating a big breakfast." jisung shrugs, taking a spoonful of cheerios.

"you don't have to cook for us." chan mumbles.

"well you enjoy it so stop complaining."

it was saturday.

jisung gets comfortable on the couch joined by changbin when he is done and they curl up together.

they expect chan to join but instead hear stomping and then a door slams.

jisung tilts his head. "is he good?"

"he was fine. i'll go check on him." changbin untangles from jisung and disappears.

and then screaming.

"well how was i supposed to know?!"

"couldn't you tell?! why do you think i disappeared when he started popping up?? you're so stupid."

"you never told me! you expect me to just know that you were in love with me?!"

"i don't know! i made it pretty obvious!!" 

"i thought you were straight!!"

chan makes a scoffing noise and storms into the hall. "after 18 years of friendship you would think you wouldn't be so fucking dumb." 

"you cant blame me you didn't say anything before!! and how was i supposed to know you being distant and grumpy was because of jisung?" changbin's face was red from yelling.

"of course it's because of jisung! he stole you from me!!!" chan screams, stomping his foot.

although he was the eldest, he was acting like a child. and changbin did seem to act older now that jisung watched.

he felt bad.

he had known, now chan hates him.

"hyung.." jisung stands.

chan glares at him. "you ruined everything coming in here all hurt and shit wanting his sympathy. i bet you don't even love him you came in and went from calling him a man whore to being the one to for him to fuck in like a fucking month! i was here first you aren't anything you're a fucking pathetic sad little asshole who goes after peoples pity!"

and that hurt.

"chris." changbin clenches his teeth. "take that back."

chan glare back at changbin now, "no it's the truth. you're too dumb to see that i'm better than him."

"i love him, chris. you can't come in the way of that. you're like my brother." changbin spits.

"that's fucking mean." chan spits. "that's so mean of you. hes a slut. ugly and useless and you chose him."

"get the fuck out of my house GET OUT!" changbin screams, veins popping out in his neck.

"whatever fuck this." 

chan slams the door and jisung sinks to the floor.

those words felt so familiar...

"jisung, baby, he didn't mean it-"

"yes he did."

"jisung... he was lying."

"leave me alone."

and he rushes upstairs, slamming the bathroom door.

"jisung!!!" changbin bangs on the door.

after a while of screaming he begins to cry, sinking to the floor by the door. "jisung please at least tell me you aren't doing anything stupid.."

"i'm not, i'm just crying." jisung replies.

but he was holding the pills. the oh so familiar bottle.


	18. time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung needs time

"jisung..." changbin calls softly, sniffing. "please open the door.... or at least reply so i know you're okay."

jisung sighs quietly, staring at the bottle before huffing, turning the lock and plopping on the edge of the bathtub.

changbin opens the door and lets out a huff himself, grabbing the bottle and throwing it into the sink. he kneels in front of jisung, holding his knees. "baby..."

"i think we should break up."

"jisung no. if it's because of what chan said he was wrong. he was just mad and he didn't mean it. it will be fine."

"he is right." jisung sighs, lip quivering as he tries not to cry again. "i don't even know why i started liking you, or how. i just showed up here and invaded everything. moving in and just popping in ruining everything. he was right. i'm sorry changbin but i don't think we can be together. not right now."

"baby please stop thinking like that. i love you. i have been in love with you for so fucking long. when you showed up at my door, i was so happy you came to me. i don't know how you started liking me either i'm really not that great but i know its not fake. i know you love me i can see it. please don't let him get to your head..."

"i need time to be sure. to fix my dad and myself..." jisung bites his lip, playing with changbin's fingers. "and i guess he made me realize."

"jisung seriously. i can help. i can help you get better and i can help with your dad too." changbin was crying and it made jisung's heart hurt.

"changbin fucking listen to me! i'm breaking up with you its not a choice!" jisung snaps. "it's over. you cant help me and i don't love you. i'll sleep in that spare room we made up and i won't even be here. just fall in love with chan and i'll get a job and move out. just forget this ever happened. this relationship was a mistake."

changbin's jaw falls open. "jisung you don't mean that-"

"i do. i don't love you. leave me alone." he snaps, shoving changbin back. "i'm no food for you. or anyone." jisung stands and rushes out to the spare room, locking the door behind him.

he hears changbin scream and lots of crashing sounds but he doesn't move, back to the door, breathing heavily.

"fuck! fuck this!" changbin screams, more crashing, then he hears the bedroom door slam next door and a loud bang. "fuck! that fucking hurt!" he yelps and then a low groan.

and then jisung can hear him cry. loud, painful sobs.

and jisung breaks down, biting his pillow to stay quiet so changbin doesn't know he is hurting too.


	19. different

half a year.

it was almost summer.

and they had barely spoken a word to each other.

it hurt. a lot. changbin was angry. so fucking angry.

just last month the anger subsided and now he wanted to be happy. he missed jisung a lot. but he wanted to figure something out to make himself happy even if it was just temporary.

"do you still like me??" changbin asks chan as the older boy leans into his side, watching tv.

"yeah," chan chews some popcorn, not bothered to look up.

"let's go on a date."

chan swallows. "wait really?"

"yeah. why not?"

"wow. okay." chan beams.

it had taken a few months for changbin to forgive chan. and when he did, chan told him not to treat him any different and they went back to normal like nothing had happened at all.

 

-

 

jisung sighs, watching the two boys from the living room window as they left for their date.

he had heard them planning it and talking and he.... he didn't like it. but he wouldn't say anything.

instead he let them go.

and when they returned at 2am and stumbled past him in the dark, making out with gross noises and hands grabbing at each other, he cries.

he sleeps there, on the couch, tears wet on his cheeks.

it hurt so much.

he knows it's his fault, he broke up with changbin.

but it was horrible. 

he did it because chan was right. he wasn't good enough for changbin. he was used, disgusting, mean, ugly, rude and everything else. chan and changbin deserved each other.

he had avoided his dad for the most part, only a few calls or forced trips ending in yelling and fights. but he hadn't touched jisung like that.... not for a while.

so jisung was scared when he got the call in the morning.

he knew changbin and chan could hear, they were at the bar as he walked in, his phone ringing.

and his dad was screaming.

"yeah i uh... i can come home... just for today i have cla- okay for the week- only a week dad i can't stay any- a week and a half- 2 weeks okay?? 2? fine yeah just... let me- stop yelling- let me pack some things and i'll be there later... sorry... sorry.... yeah.... i know.... sorry..... i'll make it up to you.... sorry.... see you." he hangs up, letting the tears slide down his cheeks as he holds onto the refrigerator handle to keep steady.

chan and changbin stare and it takes everything in changbin not to stand and comfort him.

and as he is about to break, jisung turns and runs up the stairs to his room.

"don't worry about him. hes fine. he broke up with you, don't even think about him." chan smiles, holding changbin's hand. "the date was great changbin. and... after was great too." the older boy blushes and changbin shrugs.

"yeah i tried to make the date nice and after was just... it just happened i don't think you should expect it. especially if jisung is in the house.." 

chan's smile falters. "uhm yeah." then it's back. "sooo..."

"what?"

"are we... together?"

"i guess."

"great." chan pecks his cheek and disappears upstairs to change for class.

changbin pushes around the cereal in his bowl.

he catches sight of jisung carrying a bag down the stairs.

"don't go."

changbins voice makes both of them jump. changbin didn't even know he opened his mouth to say it.

"i have to. i'll be back in a few weeks,"

"be careful,"

"i love you, changbin."

and jisung is gone right as his name slips out of his mouth.

changbin stares at the door and sighs.

he really didn't feel like going to class.


	20. pain

*TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF RAPE, ABUSE, HOMOPHOBIC SLURS*

it had been a week and jisung didn't want to be here anymore.

he was sure he was sicker than anything he could think of but it didn't stop his dad.

right now, his dad was at work so he had a break to eat, shower, and properly sleep.

but it didn't last long. he was rudely awakened by a hand around his throat.

he grabs at his fathers hand. "d-dad-"

"did i tell you you could sleep yet?? you fucking disrespectful piece of shit you can't listen to save your life." 

jisung slaps at his dads arm, face turning red.

his father lets go and all jisung can think is minho.

even as he is stripped of his clothes and his sanity, he can't help but to beg for help, for mercy.

"p-please don't... you've already done this every day this week i'm so tired please leave me alone-" in return for his pleas he gets a punch to the stomach and he lets out a cry.

it didn't help at all. he still felt everything.

he wanted to sleep and never wake up.

"pathetic. look at you cry. put some clothes on you fucking faggot i'm tired of looking at you." are the only words out of his fathers mouth as he fastens his belt.

everything hurt and he wanted to leave.

 

-

 

"i don't want to see you anymore, just leave. fucking go! you're fucking disgusting to look at!"

jisung didn't need to be told twice. it had only been a week and a half when he was expecting to be 2 weeks as he shoves his things in his bag and bolts.

he was so hungry he didn't care that he looked like a mess as he stepped into the nearest fast food place.

and his heart sinks when he feels a hand in his hair, harshly pulling his head back.

"you look disgusting. why are you out in public like that? huh?"

"please minho hyung. let go." jisung begs. "just leave me alone please." he didn't care that, as a minho grabs his waist to make them look like a couple, he cries loudly.

"he's just had a bad say. sorry," minho smiles to the people watching.

"minho i want to just get something to eat and go home please-"

"fine. but we are talking later."

and minho disappears.

jisung orders his food fast and with teary eyes and rushes to changbin's.

he steps in, sliding his shoes off and dropping his bags, throwing the bag on the counter and eating slowly.

"you're back,"

"i just want to be left alone what don't you people understand?!" jisung yells, standing fast, starting to cry again.

changbin flinches. "hey hey hey," he whispers.

"don't touch me! don't fucking look at me!" jisung screams. "leave me alone you asshole! i'm sick of it all just go away!"

"jisung listen, hey i'm right here i won't hurt you." changbin whispers.

"you already have! fuck you!" jisung sobs loudly before rushing upstairs and slamming the door.

everything hurt so fucking bad he felt so disgusting and unwanted.


	21. forget him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chan isnt happy

"you do understand we are together right?"

"i do." changbin mumbles, mindlessly running his fingers over chan's waist as the ladder lays on him.

"then why do you still think about him?"

"what do you mean??"

"jisung. i know you think about him a lot. especially since he got back from his dad's last week." 

changbin sighs. "well, i'm worried about him." 

"just forget him."

"i wish you would stop saying that shit." 

"it's true. you have a boyfriend and you still think about him. it's really mean."

"yeah well i can't forget him. i'm literally in love with him chan. i'm not with you because i love you i'm with you to make myself and you happy at least temporarily but honestly? it's not working because you treat me like a dog and i'm sick of it." changbin snaps. "i try to make you happy and all you do is complain."

"i'm sorry.." chan pouts. " i didn't mean to make you feel like that... but are you really just using me...??"

changbin sighs, feeling bad. "no.. i didn't mean that. i'm sorry."

"i'll fix it okay? we can work on it and we can be the best we can be." chan beams.

changbin nods halfheartedly. "yeah." 

but he doesn't want to fix it.

he wants it to be over because it wasn't working but he knew simply trying to break up with him wouldn't work.

 

-

 

"jisung??"

"no."

changbin sighs outside of his door. "i just wanna talk." 

"no."

"i love you jisung, just let me in." 

the door unlocks and changbin steps in.

he didn't expect jisung's next action.

jisung throws his arms around changbin's neck and lets out a broken sob. "changbin..."

"hey," changbin soothes, rubbing his back. 

"i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. i can't sleep i barely eat my heart hurts so bad and minho came and-"

"minho? lee minho? oh my fucking god i'll kill him." changbin snaps.

"please stop,"

"i already broke three of his ribs does he want a leg broken next?"

"he isn't the problem, my dad is." jisung groans, pacing with light footsteps.

"i'll kill him too." changbin nods. "i don't care. they can't keep hurting you. did your dad-"

"yeah. everyday." jisung replies in a soft whisper.

changbin grits his teeth. "i'm so angry. no one hurts my-" he stops himself.

jisung sighs. "i think your boyfriend is home, you might want to leave my room before he rips my head off for luring you here."

jisung shoves him out and changbin sighs.

he just wants to fix it.

"hey, binnie." chan smiles, pecking changbin's cheek. "i'm gonna stay the night at baekhyun's place tonight. cool?"

changbin nods. "yeah i don't mind."

"great i'll get some clothes."

"have a nice time."

later that night, changbin lay awake in bed, covers off and staring at the ceiling.

he sighs loudly.

at that moment, he hears a soft knock and, "hyung...?"

"i'm awake."

jisung steps in in what looks like one of changbin's hoodies over his underwear and sniffling. 

"you okay?"

"i had a nightmare."

"come here," 

jisung shuffles to the bed, climbing in.

he flips his back to changbin, body tense and shaking.

changbin turns, wrapping his arms around jisung's small waist and pulling him back. he trails his fingers across jisung's torso and rubs gently at his stomach and abdomen.

he presses soft kisses to his neck and shoulders.

jisung relaxes at the feeling. "thank you. i just needed that, i'll go now." he goes to the get up but changbin tightens his grip.

"stay. please. i miss you. i miss you so much."

jisung relaxes back and their bodies mold together.

changbin holds jisung tightly. "thank you."

jisung takes his hand and brings it up, kissing his palm and placing it back on his waist. "i miss you too."


	22. time skips galore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry i have to skip a lot just pay attention to the months and stuff youll be chill

*mentions of rape and abuse, cheating*

a month.

it had been a month since jisung went to changbin because of his nightmare.

of course he has one every night nearly, but he hasn't gone back to changbin.

chan is there nearly every night and honestly? jisung is pretty sure changbin might be having actual feelings for chan now.

it was worse with his dad, more phone calls and texts.

he was getting so depressed and it really sucks.

with a sigh he plops onto the couch and flips the tv on.

it was getting late and he knew changbin was upstairs and chan was out.

and he hears changbin pad down the stairs as the clock hits 9.

"chan won't be back tonight he is with the team." 

"why aren't you?"

"i don't feel like getting drunk and having chan all over me tonight." changbin shrugs, plopping next to him.

"why are you down here?"

changbin blinks, "it's my house."

jisung turns to the tv. "but why are you trying to bother me?"

"because i miss talking to you." changbin sighs. "plus you're better at cuddling than chan. you're better to hold you're tiny and warm and he's just muscular and moves too much."

"are you asking me to cuddle?"

changbin coughs. "uhmm."

jisung leans over, placing his head in changbin's lap and snuggling closer to him.

changbin pauses before draping his arm over jisung, hand on his stomach.

jisung sighs. "don't be so stiff you wanted this."

changbin relaxes, letting his hand rub jisung stomach and waist.

eventually, jisung drifts off there.

changbin smiles down, admiring his features. 

he lets his fingers gently run down his cheek before he adjusts to lift jisung and carry him upstairs.

he takes advantage that chan is going to johnny's overnight and takes jisung to his room.

after changing and turning the light out, he climbs in with jisung and pulls him close.

it felt good to hold him, but he knew he did have feelings for chan now.

chan had fixed what changbin complained about and it was nice now.

 

-

 

"where are you going?"

"mark's." chan mumbles, shoving a roll into his mouth and chewing.

"you're always going to someones house these days." changbin sighs, picking at his ramen.

"sorry babe," chan swallows. "i just get bored."

"am i boring...?"

"no," chan coos, plopping on changbin's lap sideways and draping his arms around his neck. "i'm just too jumpy and pretty sure i have adhd. i love you~" he singsongs, pecking changbin's lips.

changbin smiles softly. "i love you too." 

"i'll be back tomorrow." he stands, kissing changbin again before disappearing.

changbin sighs, getting rid of the rest of his ramen and moping his way upstairs. he was lonely.

it have been at least 5 weeks since his last interaction with jisung and it was honestly getting exhausting for his feelings.

each time he is finally falling for chan, jisung pops back up, ready for another cuddle session, taking his heart back, only disappear for a month and a half again.

just like tonight.

at 2am, as changbin scrolls through his phone, he hears a knock.

"it's open,"

jisung steps in, closing the door behind him and stands by the bed, stiff, and sniffling softly.

"jisung," 

"i-i'm sorry b-but it was really b-bad this time and i-"

"come here, baby."

jisng doesn't hesitate to scramble under the covers and changbin pulls him to straddle his lap, holding jisung's waist.

jisung was shaking and his hands press to changbin's bare chest.

changbin takes one hand and wipes his tears. "you're safe."

jisung nods, sniffling.

changbin rubs the warm skin on his waist and kisses his collarbones. "better??"

jisung was relaxed now. he leans forward, burying his face into changbin's neck. "yes."

"great. are you sleepy?"

jisung huffs. "very."

"alright," changbin slides down so jisung is laying on him, turning the light out, then holding jisung tightly.

jisung sighs, "thank you hyung."

"anything for you,"

 

-

 

and again, 2 and a half months with only greetings or small conversations later, jisung is in changbin's room at 4pm.

"is chan going to be home?"

"no, hes with mark."

"okay..."

jisung closes the door and stands for a minute before he slides his shirt over his head and unbuttons his jeans.

"whoa what are you doing?" changbin yelps.

then he sees it.

"jisung-"

"my dad- he uhm- i saw him today- he called- i refused- i told him to- i can't breathe- do you see the- and the- he-" he couldn't form a sentence, he was hyperventilating, sobbing.

changbin rushes to him, fingers delicate as they danced over the blood covered bruises and bleeding cuts. 

"it hurts- all i did- i just- i said no- i yelled and he- he got so- i'm so-"

"shhh," changbin hugs him gently. "let's clean you up."

jisung stares at changbin, sniffing a bit, as the elder cleans his cuts and bandages him.

"thank you."

changbin finds him a hoodie and jisung takes it.

"we need to get your father out of your life. soon."

jisung shrugs. "that's hard to do."

"you're an adult, almost through college." changbin frowns. "he can't boss you around and he's abusing you and raping you. we have to get rid of him."

"don't say it like that." jisungs lip quivers and his eyes well up. 

"hey, don't cry." but it's too late, jisung let's out a choked sob.

"he isn't that bad... it's just when i make him mad..."

"you always make him mad." changbin sighs. "we will fix it okay? okay?" he cups jisung's cheeks, wiping the tears.

jisung sniffs. "okay."

 

-

 

"happy one year!"

changbin sips his coffee. "you too, babe." 

"hey," chan whines. "at least give me a kiss."

"are you staying home today?"

"i'll leave tonight but i'll be home all day."

changbin nods. "alright,"

"changbinnie.." chan whines, wiggling his way into his lap. "kiss.."

changbin pecks his lips.

"are you upset with me?"

"only a little." changbin sighs. "you're always out with friends."

"i'm sorry." chan pouts.

"just stay home more.. i get lonely..." 

chan smiles. "of course."

 

-

 

it was a lie.

3 months later, it hadn't changed.

and jisung appears in his room at 3am.

"chan is cheating on you."

it's like jisung knew he was wrong to say it because he gasps and slaps his hands over his mouth.

"what?"

"i'm sorry-"

"no. what did you say?"

"i-i said that chan is cheating on you..."

"why do you say that?"

"you're not... angry?"

"i think you're lying or you just don't know what you're talking about."

"sorry. you're right. good night."

"did you have a nightmare??"

"y-yeah."

"come here,"

 

-

 

a year and a half with chan.

right on the dot.

that's when changbin found him.

he got home early from football practice and found minho, lee minho, half naked, making out with HIS chan. 

he drops his workout bag and yells. "CHAN!"

the two jump apart.

"JISUNG WAS TELLING THE TRUTH?!"

"changbin! oh my god-"

"with him?! the one who ruined my jisung?! of everyone?!" changbin screams, face red.

"your jisung-"

"DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO TURN IT AROUND!" changbin growls, slamming his fist into the wall, a crack forming. "AND YOU! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"

minho leaves fast.

"changbin please calm down-"

"how long?" changbin pants, fists clenched. "HOW LONG?!"

"a year."

changbin's jaw falls open. "get out. this is over. you lying bastard. get out!"

"binnie please-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" changbin screams.

chan rushes for this things and runs out, tears streaming his face.

changbin collapses on the couch, angry but crying too.

that's how jisung finds him hours later, crying with bleeding knuckles.

"hyung?"

"j-jisung.."

jisung holds him, craddling him like a big baby as he cries. "what happened?"

"you were right he was cheating. for a year. with minho."

jisung sighs. "i'm so sorry."

changbin sniffs, looking at him. "i'm sorry jisung. what happened to us- fuck i'm so sorry. i love you so much this past year and a half was so fucked up and i- it hurts- i do have feelings for him but you just- fuck i'm sorry."

"it's okay just... lets go to your bed so its comfortable."

changbin clings to jisung tightly, jisung's back to his chest and cries softly.

he cries himself to sleep.

jisung sighs. he hated seeing changbin like this.


	23. awkward

"please talk to me..." chan whispers.

"i don't know why you're here i kicked you out last week. unless you're getting your shit." changbin mumbles.

"i'm sorry.." chan sniffs, rushing upstairs.

changbin holds onto the counter, trying not to break down.

jisung's small hand appears on his back and rubs. "it's okay."

changbin turns and crumbles against jisung.

it's weird, changbin is bigger than him, but he manages, holding changbin tightly as he cries.

"what happened?"

"chan came and-"

"okay okay, let's go sit down. do you want me to hold you or-"

"no let me hold you. please."

they move to the couch and changbin lays down, jisung following next to him, letting changbin spoon him.

his lips press to jisung's neck, his sobs getting softer, kissing repeatedly.

his hands trail under jisung's shirt and he mumbles little "i'm sorry"'s and "you were right"'s.

jisung flips, holding changbin's face, letting the elder pull him closer under his shirt, staring into his teary eyes. 

"you know i love you," jisung whispers. "i'll help you through this."

changbin pouts. "can i kiss you then...?"

jisung blinks before closing the small gap and connecting their lips.

it was fiery and hot but also slow and smooth.

their bodies were pressed together on the small couch, changbin's warm hands shaking under his shirt.

jisung presses his forehead to changbin's when they part, both breathing heavily, hearts pounding.

jisung rubs the tip of his nose on changbin's once and then opens his eyes to find changbin staring at him.

"i love you. so much. and i'm sorry."

"stop apologizing. i broke up with you." jisung sighs. "i should apologize. it's been a year and you still make me go weak when we kiss..."

"i'm sorry because i can't date you again." changbin sighs, hand finding jisung's plush cheek his thumb rubbing over his slightly swollen lips. "chan was... i loved him too... different than i love you... and it hurts and i'm not ready and i'm sorry."

"i know baby. and it's okay. i need to figure things out with my dad first."

changbin lets out a weak smile. "my heart hurts."

"i can make popcorn and we can watch funny movies and cuddle?" jisung suggests.

changbin nods, letting jisung get up and make the popcorn.

he returns to changbin sitting, a blanket over his head and sniffing.

he looked cute. sad, but cute.

jisung places himself between his legs and leans back into his chest, resting his head on changbin's shoulder.

they pick the movie, changbin folding the blanket over them and hands finding their way to the exposed skin around jisungs waist band, rubbing lightly, hitting jisung's soft spot making him squirm.

he smiles, leaning down to plant open mouthed kisses to jisung's exposed neck as well.

"hey stop that tickles." jisung giggles, squirming some more.

changbin's hands slide up his shirt and tickles at his sides.

as jisung goes to giggle, changbin nibbles at his neck, making him freeze. he sinks back letting his head loll to the side as changbin marks his neck with bite marks and hickeys.

"your neck looks pretty like that.. it's easy to bruise." 

that's when jisung snaps out of it and sits up. "wait,"

"i'm sorry did i make you uncomfortable? did i go to far? it was just really inviting and pretty and i-"

"shut up it felt great. where are you hands going? put them back." jisung snaps. changbins hands find there way back under his shirt. "stop talking and do that some more it's absolutely heavenly."

it wasn't harsh or trying to seduce jisung, his neck really was really inviting to bite at.

jisung sighs. "fuck this sounds so wrong but your mouth works WONDERS." 

"why? is this relaxing or something?"

"the mix of your mouth and your hands, yeah. i could fall asleep like this." by now, both sides pf his neck were littered with bite marks and hickeys ad he was relaxed.

"are you tired? we can go to sleep."

"just keep... doing that and i'll probably fall asleep."

changbin chuckles. "weird. most people are very awake when this happens."

"shut up i'm strange just-"

"jisung i don't want to push you or something... with your dad and-"

"if your mouth isn't on my neck in 2 seconds you won't have a tongue." jisung snaps.

changbin laughs, "fine."

and jisung did fall asleep there, changbin having to carry him to his room, pulling his jeans off and his shirt then his own before crawling in with him.

 

-

 

its awkward for a while as jisung's neck heals.

they hadn't spoken a word to each other. when jisung found all the marks he was embarrassed and stopped talking to him.

but he slept in changbin's room, but he wouldn't cuddle with him.

changbin was worried that he pushed jisung away and it upset him more than he already was.

he already had no appetite, no will to exercise, barely slept, and was restless when he did. he skipped classes and stayed home, not throwing parties.

jisung's marks were all healed by the time he finally talked to changbin.

well, he sat on changbin.

changbin sat on the couch in his pajama pants and no shirt, hair a mess and eyes tired.

jisung comes and sits right on his lap leaning back and then says, "let me sit between your legs." 

changbin adjusts so he can, stiff and awkward.

"hold me," jisung whispers.

changbin sighs, holding him gently.

his skin was warm to the touch and smooth and made changbin relax.

"are you going to redo it or what?"

"redo...?"

"my neck is healed."

changbin stares at the wall for a solid 10 minutes, no exaggeration, before he replies. "i thought you hated me for giving you those."

"no, i'm just shy and awkward and my depression was fucked up. sorry."

"you want me to...?"

"yes."

changbin lets his hands flatten on jisung's stomach and he presses down, massaging gently, to see how jisung reacts.

"ugh," jisung lets out a groan, "you're so good at that."

changbin smiles. "i'm glad,"

he nuzzles jisung's neck, pressing soft kisses along the skin before beginning his marks, small and gentle.

jisung sighs, "it's like a spa day why does this make me so relaxed?"

changbin hums, kissing at a bruise, "i don't know, its strange."

jisung hums back. "i love you so much,"

changbin smiles, kissing softly. "i love you,"

"my dad called."

changbin freezes. "what did he say?"

"he asked me to come home for a while."

"no,"

"i have to."

"i'll go with."

"no," jisung stands fast. "fuck no,"

"he can't keep doing this."

changbin stands too, pulling jisung into his chest. 

"i don't know..." jisung sighs.

"what if you don't? what if you just don't go?"

"he would try to find me."

"let him. i can get him arrested for stalking and abuse and rape and everything else-"

"later, i'll just go. next week."

changbin sighs, cupping his face as jisung flattens his hands on changbin's lower abdomen, by his belly button. "i don't want you to."

"i'll figure it out."

"no you won't because you've already been found you fucking slut."

jisung jumps, turning around. "d-dad?"


	24. anger

"if you touch him i swear to god i will rip your head off." changbin goes from caring and loving to angry so fast that it honestly scares jisung quite a bit.

"and who are you?"

changbin clenches his fists. "someone who treats your son better than you ever would."

"are you two together? that's fucking disgusting you-"

"shut your fucking mouth." changbin snaps.

"excuse me? you disrespectful little cunt!" and that was the first mistake jisung's father made, slapping changbin.

changbin was shorter than him, but bigger, more muscle, so it was easily for him to lift the older man and slam him into the wall. "i'm only respectful to people who deserve it. and you don't. treating jisung like shit, raping him then calling him homophobic names when you're just like him. you're pathetic."

jisung had never seen him so angry, he could see the heat just rolling off of him in waves.

he slams jisung's father against the wall again and spits, "you are a fucking horrible father and if you ever go near my jisung again, you wont be leaving unharmed."

he scoffs. "your jisung? hes my son and i can do whatever i damn well please with him. now put me down you ugly ass fucking faggot or i-"

the words sparked something in changbin's head and he lets go of his shirt only to punch him, hard.

jisung stares wide eyed as his dad spits blood and charges changbin only to be stopped with a hand around his throat squeezing hard.

he knew changbin worked out a lot, with all the sports, but this was.... scary.

the way his eyes burned and his hand squeezed without mercy.

and jisung was having a panic attack.

if he could do that to someone so much older than him, bigger too, what would he do to little jisung??

he falls into a ball on the floor.

he could hear the insults being thrown back and forth and the punches changbin landed.

did his dad even get one in.

"get the fuck out of my house you lowlife ingrate." 

"don't expect this to be the last time you fucking dick." and his eyes find jisung and they make eye contact. "and you, son, you better be over to visit soon. we need to talk about something."

"talk" jisung thinks. he lets out shaky breaths and he can hear the front door close.

"hey baby are you-"

"don't touch me." 

"i'm sorry i just got so mad because he hurts you so much i just snapped and i-"

"go away."

"jisung baby please." his hand holds jisung's arm.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" he sobs, rushing upstairs and slamming the door to his bedroom, locking it.

changbin groans. "fuck," 

he could see the pure terror in jisung's eyes, knowing he scared him.

he knew he could get scary when angry and now he felt horrible.


	25. fear

"jisung." 

"leave me alone."

"i wont hurt you, i'm not angry."

"yes you will."

changbin sighs, groaning. "baby please open the door."

jisung shuffles a little. "you can't touch me when i do."

"i won't touch you."

"let me touch you first."

"i won't touch you, jisung."

the door opens and jisung peeks out.

he steps out and changbin can see him shake.

"see? i'm not mad. i wont hurt you."

jisung takes a deep breath and flattens his hands on changbin's stomach, avoiding eye contact. "you're scary."

"i don't mean to be..."

"you're just... you have a lot of muscle and you're bigger than me..." jisung lets out shallow breaths, wrapping his arms around changbin's waist and pulling him into a hug.

changbin's hands are cautious around jisung, slow and gentle. "i wont ever hit you. ever."

jisung relaxes more. "okay. sorry."

"no i get it."

its quiet for a bit and then, "are you hungry?"

 

-

 

it had calmed down now, a week or so later.

and jisung was staying after classes to watch changbin at football practice.

after another team member that was playing for "the other team" in their scribble pushed him, changbin pulls his helmet off.

his hair was sweaty and a mess and jisung can hear him yell. 

"what the fuck?! i just twisted my ankle! why the fuck are you pushing me?!"

"maybe if you had your head out of han jisung's ass you would be paying attention!" the boy screams back.

jisung was on the first row of bleachers, the two were so close to him he could see the anger radiate from changbin.

"you dick!"

changbin shoves him hard and soon they're punching until the coach finally pulls them apart.

changbin's chest heaves and his lip drips blood. "if his name falls from your mouth ever again i'm ripping your dick off." changbin spits blood by his feet.

"whatever." the other looked bad. changbin had a split lip and a bruise on his jaw but the others nose was crooked and blood all over his face. no doubt a black eye.

changbin storms into the locker room and jisung scrambles after him.

changbin was wiping sweat from his neck with his discarded shirt when he enters.

"are you okay?"

changbin's head snaps up and his entire posture loosens. "oh baby i didn't think you were here."

jisung inhales sharply when changbin steps closer so he stops, stepping back.

"did i scare you? i'm so sorry.."

"it's okay. is your lip okay?"

changbin wipes at it and looks at his hand covered in blood. "it will be when it stops bleeding."

"you're really sweaty."

"i was playing baby, of course i am."

jisung sighs, "i'm gonna walk home... i need to calm down. shower before you come to cuddle please."

"of course,"

at home later, changbin steps into the bedroom with a towel around his hips and another rubbing at his hair.

"damn," jisung whispers.

changbin lets out a soft laugh. "what?"

"nothing just... put something on before i lick you because its really tempting."

"lick me?"

"ever heard of chocolate abs?"

changbin blinks. "i see."

he changes and climbs in with jisung. "can i?"

"yeah, i'm okay now."

"i'm sorry i scared you."

"you don't need to protect me,"

changbin pauses and presses a few kisses to jisung's neck. "i don't like when i hear people talking about you or hurting you."

"i love you."

"good night."


	26. back together?

jisung steps into the warm house and slides his shoes off, dropping absolutely everything in the entrance and trailing into the living room.

he finds changbin sprawled on the couch, one arm behind his head the other on his stomach, only wearing his underwear.

"do you not own pants?" jisung grumbles, waving at his hand.

changbin moves it and lets jisung climb onto him, legs on either side of him, cuddling into him.

his hand immediately finds its way under jisung's shirt, warm and welcoming.

jisung sighs.

"bad day?"

"i failed two tests and got shoved into a locker. i just need a massage and a nap."

"i can help with that."

jisung hums, nuzzling his face into changbin's neck. "it's okay."

"i want to." changbin whispers.

"have you heard from chan..?"

"not a word."

jisung sighs softly. "would you? give me a massage that is...?"

"i said i would. here, get up."

jisung stands and lets his tired eyes fall half closed.

"take your shirt off and lay on your stomach," 

jisung obliges.

changbin places his knees on either side of jisung's thighs and runs his hands down his back. "your skin is so pretty."

"just rub,"

changbin chuckles, "anything you say princess."

he rubs at the tight muscles across his shoulders and down his spine, across the waist line of his sweatpants, and back up.

jisung lets out small groans, "god you're so perfect changbin."

changbin feels himself blush, which doesn't happen a lot. "i wouldn't say perfect."

"you can sing, you're a great kisser, your mouth works wonders on my neck, your hands are relaxing, you give massages, and you're so sweet and-"

"okay okay jeez." changbin sighs. "i just want to make you happy."

jisung goes quiet as changbin rubs at his lower back.

"jisung?"

"are we back together?"

"no, not yet. but i guess i'm working on getting there."

jisung sighs happily, "right there,"

changbin applies a little more pressure earning a satisfied noise from the boy below him.

he rubs and rubs and eventually, jisung passes out.

changbin smiles at the way his cheek squishes on the couch before lifting him and carrying him to his bed.

jisung yawns, eyes peeking open. "my... my binnie..."

changbin smiles down at him, "yeah, your binnie. i'm your binnie." he runs his thumb over jisung's cheekbone. "take your nap,"

jisung rolls himself into the blankets.

changbin flicks the light off and heads back downstairs.

a few hours later, around dinner time he hears light footsteps and then jisung appears wrapped in a blanket, hair sticking up and eyes barely open.

"hyung," he whines.

"what baby?"

he smacks his lips and squints. "i want a kiss." 

he waddles his way to changbin on the couch who sat up, still not having put on pants, and plops onto his lap, the blanket tangling everywhere.

changbin admires him, completely fixed on jisung.

he lets jisung kiss him a few times, small and cute.

he finds jisung's hip under the blanket and smiles at him. "you are so fucking cute, jisung."

jisung gives a puppy smile, eyes drifting closed again before he pecks changbin's nose and stands, "goodnight."

"hey wait! eat something before you go back-"

"i love you, don't wake me up when you come to bed later."

changbin chuckles. "okay baby."


	27. happiness (and jisungs butt)

"changbin if you don't PUT PANTS ON-"

"you like it."

"SEO CHANGBIN!"

changbin lets out a laugh and catches jisung as he tries to hit him, pulling him into a hug. "what baby?"

jisung stutters. "stop walking around i-in just your f-fucking underwear you're so-"

"hot? yeah i know," changbin grins. "why should i put get pants and a shirt on when you're just gonna have your hands up my shirt anyway?"

"i don't mind you walking around with no shirt but put pants on! i don't need to see you in your underwear."

"its my house," changbin raises an eyebrow. "plus, you can walk around in your underwear too, i definitely would not complain."

"ya! changbin!" jisung groans, slapping his chest.

changbin plants a warm kiss on his lips and jisung sighs. "i like looking at your cute butt it's just easier when you don't have pants on."

jisungs whole face flushes pink and he groans. "stop. just put pants on."

changbin rolls his eyes, "nah,"

jisung lets out a huff, "fine, lets both go without if you want to see my butt so much?"

"i just told you you could,"

and right there, jisung strips down too and crosses his arms. "okay, happy? lets see how you like me walking around in just underwear you little ass."

changbin smiles, "i'm not complaining one bit," 

jisung yelps as changbin smacks his butt as he passes and growls at him. "quit," 

"hey, its tempting!"

jisung just grabs out the things to make lunch and starts, changbin sitting on the bar behind him.

"you know," he clears his throat, "i can feel you staring."

"it's right there you expect me to look at the wall or something?"

jisung scoffs. "why are you so weird?"

"weird? its weird to like my boyfriends butt?"

"boyfriend?" jisung snaps his head around.

changbin stumbles over his words. "i mean i- you seem- i think- yeah. yeah boyfriend." he finally sighs. 

"so i'm your boyfriend?"

"if you want,"

jisung smiles, leaning over the counter, getting close to his face, "stare all you want then," 

"really?" changbins face lights up.

"mm," jisung continues to stir the soup.

"i love you,"

"yeah yeah, soup's ready,"


	28. chan

"that tickles." jisung squirms as changbin's fingers trail up and down his back.

changbin smiles at him. "you're so cute."

there's a knock but before either can untangle themselves to get it, someone comes stomping in.

"take me back!" chan yells. "i want you to take me back and we can work it out!" he was already crying.

it had been ages since either had heard from him and now hes bursting in yelling.

"chan." changbin's voice was low as he stands, instinctively blocking jisung from chan's view.

chan's jaw twitches. "are you already with jisung again?"

"if i am, its none of your business."

"it is my business!"

"YOU CHEATED ON ME!" changbin screams. he takes a deep breath. "we are over. that's final."

"changbin please just-"

"what's there for you to explain? you were cheating for a year. with fucking lee minho. the boy who ruined my jisung's life and you cheated on me with him. of all people. when we got together you knew i was still in love with jisung. and you knew i was finally getting over him and falling for you and you still cheated and broke my heart. chan, i don't want to try to work it out. i want you to leave me alone. maybe in the future we can be friends again but for now... i need you to leave me alone."

chan sniffs. "but i'm sorry. i love you."

"i love jisung."

chan's mouth opens a little. "that's so mean," he lets out a broken sob. "that's so mean changbin,"

"it's the truth. please leave." 

chan lets out a frustrated groan and rushes out, slamming the door.

jisung watches as changbin completely falls apart, he grabs him, wrapping his arms around changbin's waist from behind. "it's okay. you had to."

changbin turns and hugs him, "i'm sorry."

"don't be, its okay."

jisung lets him break down, holding him tightly, rubbing his back.

eventually changbin cries himself to sleep although its still really early but jisung lets him hold him as he sleeps.

it was weird, changbin's head on his chest squeezing his waist.

but nice.

it was nice to have changbin.


	29. here's some fluff because i want to be nice to you.

jisung yelps at changbin passes and pinches his butt. "seo changbin,"

"what?" changbin dips his finger in the icing, licking it off and jisung swats him away. 

"stop!" he whines, fixing the part changbin messed up.

"why are you making a cake?"

"i mean..."

jisung clears his throat but doesn't finish his sentence.

"what?"

"nothing i just felt like it."

"no there's a reason, tell me."

changbin's hands slide around jisung, the tips of his fingers sliding under the waistband of jisung's underwear just enough to make jisung blush and pulls him back.  
his peppers kisses on jisung's neck and shoulder, humming.

"you're making me shake." jisung whispers.

"shake?" changbin asks. "why are you shaking?"

"i don't know but it's because of you."

changbin's thumbs rub at jisung's abdomen before his hands spread across his stomach and rub.

"what's the reason?"

"are you buttering me up with your hands so i will tell you?"

changbin smiles against his skin, nipping at his neck. "maybe."

"my birthday is tomorrow."

changbin pauses. "seriously?"

jisung nods. "i always made myself a cake since i was 12 because my mom was sick and my dad didn't care. it's just something i do. i usually don't even eat any of it. but i do it." 

"you didn't tell me it was your birthday."

"i don't like to celebrate."

"i wanted to get you something..." changbin pouts, turning jisung around. "you should have told me. wait it's only 5 i can go out and get something now i'm sure that jewelry place can make custom stuff on the spot right? i could go-"

"jewelry? no thanks."

changbin tilts his head cutely. "why?"

"i don't know. it's expensive."

"iv'e been thinking of getting you a ring or necklace or something for a year."

"we have been dating a year."

"a year, 4 months and 3 days." changbin corrects. 

"i don't want you to spend money on me."

"i have a lot of money i don't need. i can spend it all on you. and i will. especially for the engagement ring." changbin's eyes sparkle.

jisung whines. "stop talking about marriage i haven't graduated college yet."

"only a few months baby. i already have, just waiting for you."

jisung gives him a stern look. "i don't know how i feel about marriage."

"you mean about marrying me."

changbin's mood falls fast and he steps back from jisung with a frown.

"hey come back here." jisung snaps. "that's not what i said."

"it's what you meant."

jisung tugs changbin back by the waistline of his underwear and he grabs his shoulders. "i would absolutely love to be married to you."

changbin glances at him.

"but,"

"here it comes."

"i don't know how i feel about bringing you into my fucked up family."

"there isn't much left of your family."

jisung frowns. "that was rude."

"shit i'm sorry." changbin groans, gripping jisung's hips to keep him from walking away. "baby i didn't mean it like that. and i want you to be with my family. they're great and they would love you so much."

jisung sighs. "lets talk about this later."

changbin's hands ghost over his butt and down to his thighs, squeezing so he can jump onto the counter.

changbin stands between his legs, hands rubbing at his thighs gently. "i love you more than anything jisung. so so so much." he purrs, littering jisung's face in kisses. "let me treat you right. spoil you, love you. i want to make you happy."

"you make me happy."

changbin sighs. "i'm going to go get you a present."

jisung holds him there. "no,"

"jisung." changbin gives him a look. "let me go. i won't buy anything expensive for months if you let me do this."

"promise?"

"i promise princess."

jisung sighs, letting him go. "fine."

changbin gleams. "yes!"

 

-

 

"happy birthday my pretty baby," changbin whispers the second jisung's eyes open, making jisung blush. hard.

"jesus why are you pulling out that name? you know it makes me go weak."

"i know," changbin smiles, hand rubbing up and down his chest and stomach.

his fingers trail the few bruises on jisung's collar bone and neck and he chuckles, remembering how jisung couldn't sleep and asked changbin to do it.

jisung yawns and sits up. "okay, i'm gonna shower."

changbin gets dressed and makes breakfast while he does, having placed the small box in his pocket.

jisung arrives with damp hair, in one of changbin's hoodies and a pair of basketball shorts.

he smiles at the breakfast and sits, eating it slowly.

changbin slides the box to him and he stares at it.

changbin was so nervous that he wouldn't like it.

it was a lot. like, a lot.

he couldn't even use his card, it passed the daily limit he had to run to the bank and get out cash.

he shakes his leg and watches as jisung stares, swallowing his toast.

"what is that?"

"y-your gift." changbin stumbles out, face red.

jisung stares at him now. "why are you so nervous?"

"i really hope you like it," 

jisung takes it and examines the box. "it looks like a ring box."

"it is."

jisung looks at him. "are you a complete idiot? are you proposing? right now?"

"oh god no." changbin huffs out, still nervous. "please open it i think i will die soon if you don't."

jisung pops open the box and his mouth falls open. "wow."

changbin bites at his lip.

"this is.... so pretty. it's gorgeous. holy fuck how much did you fucking spend, are those diamonds??" 

changbin lets out a shaky breath and raises his right hand, revealing a ring that was similar, but thinner and with smaller diamonds.

jisung looks at it.

he was confused as he stares at both rings, his with a wider band, a little bigger.

changbin stares back at him. "promise rings."

something clicks in jisung's head. "oh."

he pulls the ring out, sliding it onto his left middle finger as changbin was on his right middle finger.

changbin lets himself smile.

jisung stares at his hand and when he looks up, hes crying. "what are you- what are you promising?"

"that i will marry you. that i will protect you and love you with everything i have. that i am yours and i will do everything i can to make you happy. that i am the one for you." changbin blurts fast. "that i will never stop loving you."

jisung lets out a sob. "i fucking hate promise rings." he laughs to himself.

changbin's whole face falls. "i-i can take them back and- and find something else- you can come with and- fuck jisung- you can pick a necklace or something i'm so- i'm so sorry."

"shut up," jisung stands and plops himself on changbin's lap sideways. 

he kisses him hard, his tears making changbin's cheeks wet.

changbin's heart leaps when jisungs left hand finds his right hand and he laces their fingers together, rings clashing.

"i love you so much," jisung smiles when they part.

"but you just said-"

"i love you changbin. i love you so fucking much." he lifts their hands to look at the rings together. "and they are so pretty."

changbin smiles. "you like it?"

"i love it." 

jisung rests his forehead on changbin's and smiles wide.

"fuck i was so worried you wouldn't and when you said that my heart broke and i-"

"i hate promise rings but i love you and it made me so happy when you started blabbering out those promises."

changbin sighs happily, running his fingers over jisung's ring. "i mean them."

"can we cuddle? all day? watch kdramas and music videos?" jisung asks.

"it's your birthday we can do whatever you want to do."

and that's what they did, changbin laid behind jisung, hands up his shirt, leaving small kisses on his neck all day, watching jisung more than the tv.


	30. more teeth rotting fluff for you

jisung giggles softly as changbin nuzzles his neck, completely happy with where he was.

2 years with changbin and absolutely no interference. he had graduated and they both worked at an entertainment company together, producing music and writing songs for big artists.

he was positioned between changbin's legs on the couch, changbin's hands on his bare stomach and his teeth nibbling gently at his neck.

"2 years." he whispers for the millionth time.

"2 years." jisung replies.

his hands find changbin's, lifting his hand to look at the ring on his finger, twirling it and smiling.

changbin grins. "i love you so much jisung."

"stop biting me you cannibal."

changbin bites a little harder and jisung yelps, dropping his hand.

"you ass."

"you love me."

"i'm not making you dinner now."

changbin pouts. "but."

"nope."

jisung tries to stand but changbin grips him hard, holding him there.

jisung wiggles around but gives up the second changbin starts marking his neck. "h-hey stop that we have an interview tomorrow- ah!"

and jisung had a hickey.

of course he loved them they made him relax but today was not the day.

"changbin seriously? how am i supposed to-"

he melts as changbin's mouth attaches again, making another.

"stop it-"

"nope,"

"i'll make dinner! just stop!" changbin bites down making jisung squeal but he lets go and jisung scrabbles away. "ew you drooled on my neck."

changbin grins wide. "what's for dinner?"

"i hate you. but spicy rice cakes and kimchi i guess. ramen too."

"spicy? everything?" changbin's eyes light up. 

"just for you you big baby."

changbin lets out a very high pitched squeal and jisung stares at him.

"i thought you were manly and tough and i was your damsel in distress? what was that?"

"hey your knight has to be feminine sometimes."

jisung rolls his eyes and shuffles to the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out everything he needs.

changbin plants himself on the bar stool and watches.

jisung hums softly to some song as he cooks and changbin lets out a breathy sigh. 

"what?" jisung asks.

"you're so perfect."

jisung scoffs. "shut up."

he slides bowls of food to changbin and points to the table. changbin takes them and starts to set the table as well.

they were comfortable.

neither liked to be fancy, they were fine eating dinner in their underwear with some american song playing from the television.

they were so comfortable.

they sit and eat the spicy food happily.

jisung holds his hand out across the table for changbin, who takes it, their rings sliding together.

"jisung?"

"yes?"

"marry me."

jisung snorts. "i don't think so."

changbin's noodles fall from his chopsticks. "no?"

"are you really asking? are you being serious??"

they blink at each other before changbin answers. "i would like to marry you, han jisung."

"i don't think so."

changbin sets his chopsticks down and stands, walking up the stairs.

jisung waits, watching the stairs.

and changbin returns.

he takes his time getting down on one knee in front of jisung and opening the box.

jisung stares wide eyed. "are you fucking serious??"

changbin takes a deep breath. "very. i love you. i've had this ring for months now, thinking up some big way to ask but everything i planned fell flat or just didn't seem right for you. for us. we are meant for each other jisung. look at us. in our underwear on our two year anniversary, eating spicy food you cooked, working together every day. jisung i want nothing more than to be your husband. nothing. not a record deal or to win the lottery. you're my record deal, my millions of dollars. you and this house, our kids when we adopt. that's my fortune. and i want it to happen. now. jisung, will you? will you marry me?"

jisung blinks. "holy fucking shit."

changbin clears his throat. "my knee hurts."

jisung laughs, broken by a sob as tears fill his eyes. "fuck yes."

changbin grins. "yes?"

"yes. yes yes yes."

changbin takes jisung's hand, sliding the ring on and then kisses him. it was so soft, and honestly, wet from tears but it was so meaningful.

when they part jisung laughs.

"why are you laughing?"

"because we really just got engaged when i have sauce all over my mouth and fresh hickeys on my neck."

changbin lets out a small laugh and stands. "i wasn't going to but.."

"but?"

"you looked really cute like that. and i just love you so much." 

jisung sighs, finally taking a moment to look at the ring. "wow,"

"i told you i wouldn't spend a lot for months when i bought the promise ring. i got that 4 months after the promise rings so."

"how much was it?"

changbin sighs. "way too much." he groans. "i still have to pay some of it off." he rubs his face before picking his chopsticks up again, stabbing at his noodles.

jisung laughs. "i didn't need a really expensive one." 

changbin glances. "i wanted to get it custom. and i wanted it to be really expensive so don't come at me."

jisung stares at the shiny diamonds and gasps. "are they lilac???"

changbin grins so big his eyes disappear. "yup!"

jisung feels like crying again. "oh my god... that's my favorite-"

"i know it's your favorite color baby. look at the biggest one."

jisung looks closer an then he does cry. the jewel was a swirling mix of lilac and dark grey. "changbin..."

"and look inside the band."

and he did, the words reading, "i won't leave you alone."

and jisung is crying again.

changbin smiles, tilting his head.

"oh my god oh my god don't look at me i'm ugly crying oh my god changbin you just proposed to me we are getting married. oh my god CHANGBIN WE ARE GETTING MARRIED."

"yes we are."

jisung lets out a sob and stands.

he paces, crying hard, pulling at his hair.

"baby, calm down."

"you just proposed to me."

"i did."

"holy shit you just... you just proposed. we are engaged."

"we are."

"why aren't you crying?"

changbin laughs. "i don't cry too much baby."

"but we are getting married."

changbin smiles, standing too, to hold him.

he pulls jisung into his arms, smiling at his boyfri-fiances- tear streaked face.

jisung whines. "i can't believe you just proposed."

and now changbin can feel the tears in his throat. "yeah. i did. and you know what?" he laughs. "you said yes. baby you said yes."

he laughs again, feeling the tears fall as he looks at his baby. 

jisung smiles. "i said yes."

they stare for a minute and jisung giggles.

"what are you laughing at?" changbin pouts.

"you. you just said you don't cry but here you are."

jisung's hands trail up changbin's chest to his shoulders, resting there.

"yeah, i'm crying. look at you. my fiance." changbin presses his forehead to jisung's, letting out a sob and pulling him closer.

they hug for a while, crying quietly.

finally they finish their now cold food and take turns with the shower.

jisung waited for changbin to finish his, hair damp, staring at the ring as he laid on the bed.

changbin steps in and smiles. "you like it??"

jisung nods. "a lot."

"i got the wedding bands too. both mine and yours. would you like to see them??"

jisung's eyes light up and he nods fast, watching changbin shuffle for the box. he sits by jisung and hands it to him.

changbin's was as big as jisung's engagement ring, dark grey with a thin line of small diamonds around the middle, "han jisung" engraved in the inside.

and jisung's was thin and small, dark grey to contrast the silver of the engagement ring, small white diamonds embedded and "seo changbin" engraved inside.

"i was going to get the date we get married engraved there too," changbin smiles. 

jisung sighs. "i can't believe we are getting married."

changbin grins wide. "neither can i. but i'm tired from all the crying, let's sleep."

jisung tangles his legs with changbin's, hugging his waist.

changbin's hands rub at his back, pulling him close, kissing the top of his head.

both cant stop smiling and jisung cant stop looking at the ring.

so happy.


	31. wedding day

they had been engaged nearly a year.

and finally, it was the day.

changbin bit at his nails and bounced on his feet at the altar, waiting for it to begin.

chan slaps his back from behind, "calm down,"

"fuck you," changbin snaps.

he had forgiven chan and they were best friends, but it was more awkward. still, he was his best man.

and it starts and changbin shoves his hands behind his back.

he was so nervous and the second jisung turned the corner and smiled at him he burst into tears.

he turns away and chan hugs him.

the stupid wedding music fills his hears and he looks up at him again, absolutely stunning.

pure white suit with a dark grey tie, his blonde hair styled nicely and makeup done lightly.

absolutely gorgeous.

changbin sniffs, regaining his posture as his own father leads jisung down the aisle.

he remembers when he introduced them and how much his father loved jisung, how much jisung looked up to him.

they were like son and father so fast.

changbin's dad is a lawyer, straight and poised and jisung was a loud billowing crackhead, but they fit well.

changbin smiles at his dad and wipes at his cheeks.

the music stops and changbin's dad hands him jisung.

jisung giggles, wiping changbin's tears with his own fingers before taking his hands.

changbin stares at him.

after all of these years, here they are. through everything. he was so happy.

the ceremony is blur of "yes" and "i do" until the vows.

changbin lets jisung go first.

"seo changbin you absolute prick." jisung begins. he held a paper but wasn't looking at it. "you pulled me from my stupid shell and made me live my life. sure at first i didn't want to and i was an asshole, excuse my language, but i was. i was such a dick to you. but look at us now. you know, i wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. in this town, this house, the job that i have, my mental state. i wouldn't be alive changbin. you have pulled my from the dust and made me new again. these years of being together has been a joy ride with, surprisingly, only few interruptions." he clears his throat and raises an eyebrow at chan who laughs. jisung kisses changbin's knuckles, who, like a baby, is crying again, "i love you. i love you so much. thank you for being here. for being this stupid jock that i thought wanted to get into my pants. but here we are and the farthest we have gotten in seeing each other in our underwear and you know," jisung lets the tears fall. "i'm so grateful for you. i think you haven't had any action for what, 3 years? 4? but you aren't cranky or mean and you aren't forcing anything. you're perfect. i couldn't ask for anyone better."

changbin lets out a pathetic sob and looks down. jisung puts the paper that he didn't use into his pocket.

"and changbin?"

"see, i'm not as good as you, i didn't memorize mine." changbin mumbles, shuffling for his paper. jisung laughs at him. "okay here we go. han jisung." he takes a deep breath. "you are my fortune. you remember that? my lottery, my record deal. you're my whole world. i really wouldn't trade what we had for anything. you're right, i was a prick and a useless jock. but when i fell for you i changed. i watched you and i fell hard over that time, and my heart belonged to you even when you hadn't looked at me. even when you refused to wear my jacket and called me a man whore. you had my whole heart from the minute i laid eyes on you. the boy who wanted to be left alone. and i was determined to get you. and i did. i did get you. and then i ruined you. i broke your heart. but look at us. look at you. i did pull you from the depths of dirt. from the low of your mental health and i wouldn't have it any other way. my damsel in distress, i have saved you. i saved you from yourself. you're really all i want jisung. all those days you wanted to die, you hurt yourself, i was there wasn't i? i was there to bring you back. you're my diamond in the rough. my universe. and i really am sorry for ever hurting you. but i wouldn't have it any other way." 

they both cry with a similar sound.

"do you, han jisung, take seo changbin as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"i do,"

changbins eyes gleam as he looks. 

"and do you, seo changbin, take han jisung as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"i do, with all of my heart."

"i pronounce you married, you may now kiss the groom,"

it was fast and sweet and the roar of cheers from changbin's high school friends and jisung's friends from work, family, fill their ears as changbin dips him dramatically.

"i love you,"

"i love you so much more," jisung whispers.

 

-

 

music plays loudly as they dance and laugh and drink.

changbin and jisung sit at their table together, holding hands.

changbin stares as jisung's rings and smiles. "we are married."

"we are," jisung whispers.

they kiss softly and smile.

but it's broken when a hand weaves into jisung's hair and snaps his head back.

"how dare you get married and not invite me?"

jisung's heart sinks to his stomach and he gasps.

he hears the music stop and he is forced to stand. "d-dad-"

"you are disgusting." he growls.

"please go, i didn't invite you for this reason."

"leave," changbin grabs jisung's fathers arm and pulls it away from jisung to stand between them. "you are not welcome here."

jisung feels a warm hand on his wrist and turns to changbin's mother pulling him a way.

he looks back to see changbin chest to chest with his father and cries.

"why did he come? how did he know?"

"i think chan told him..." she whispers.

jisung feels a surge of anger and stomps up the older boy, giving him a sharp slap.

"what the hell jisung?" chan snaps.

"how dare you invite my father?" jisung screams. "YOU RUINED THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!"

"i-i thought you two had made up i-i'm sorry i didn't know-"

jisung breaks down crying, finding a chair to sit in.

he hears people gasp and turns to see his father on the ground and changbin over him, chest heaving and fists clenched.

he grabs changbin, pulling him away. "please stop,"

changbin snaps his arm away from jisung and steps over his dad. "you fucking disgusting asshole. why did you even show up? this is your sons wedding, its supposed to be happy and full of love. not hatred. fucking leave before you regret it."

his dad scrambles to his feet. 

changbin's father approaches and clears his throat. "we will be suing you and filing charges against you for rape and abuse. i hope you are prepared for paperwork and have a good lawyer."

he pulls jisung into a hug who cries harshly.

his wedding was ruined. completely ruined.

he pushes away, sprinting from the venue as people called for him.

tears stream his face as he runs.

he had no intention on returning any time soon.


	32. come back

"he will be back i promise," chan rubs changbin's back as the younger leans forward on his knees, bouncing one and biting his nails.

"he won't. i know him well. he wont come back for a while,"

"you're married now. he will be back."

it was just chan and changbin now, sitting in changbin's living room. it had been hours and nothing from jisung.

and changbin cries. "fuck,"

"why are you crying?"

"jisung probably hates me.... fuck he gets so scared when i get mad. its literally our wedding day and it was ruined and he ran away and-" changbin chokes. "i want his dad to disappear."

"your dad said he would press charges." chan assures. "you know he will win too."

"yeah.. but the damage is done."

"he will come back." chan whispers. 

he stands and disappears, leaving changbin alone.

chan presses jisung's contact on his phone, pressing call right after.

"what?" jisung's voice was rough.

"where are you? changbin is devastated please come back," chan whispers.

"i'm not far." jisung clears his throat. "maybe later. i need a little while longer to calm down,"

"he wont hurt you jisung.. hes protecting you... hes literally crying okay? come back and fix it." 

he hears jisung sigh a little and then, "yeah, ill be back in a little bit. keep him awake."

 

-

 

changbin leans back into the couch, silently crying and staring at the ceiling. chan didn't tell him he had called jisung.

so when jisung opens the door and slides his shoes off, changbin yells. "JISUNG!"

jisung jumps. "fuck changbin, scared the shit out of- YOU'RE HEAVY I CANT-"

and they were on the floor.

jisung lets out a laugh as changbin pounces, smothering his face in kisses and crying.

"oh my god baby," he whispers, nuzzling into jisung.

"please- you're really big- get off i cant- breathe-" jisung wheezes.

changbin stands and pulls jisung up too, hugging him tightly. "i was so worried."

"sorry,"

changbin kisses him softly, quite gross with his tears and spit in the way, but jisung accepts it.

"lets go to bed yeah? we can get ready and pack for our honeymoon tomorrow."


	33. honeymoon

changbin throws the door to the vacation home open and sighs happily. 

"are you gonna carry me in?" jisung pouts.

changbin laughs, pushing the bags in and then sweeping jisung into his arms.

jisung giggles loudly and beams as changbin carries him all the way to the large, bright bedroom. 

they chose a beach house.

a week long vacation at the beach. together. away from everything.

and jisung was so happy to be away.

changbin puts him on the bed and lets out a breath. 

jisung smiles up at him and giggles again. 

"i'm so happy." changbin smiles and plops on top of him making jisung groan. 

"you're heavy!" 

"you're just small." 

"i want kisses." 

"i'm very happy to provide." changbin moves to hover over him and can't help but grin down at jisung's happy face before connecting their lips.

happiness.

 

-

 

jisung squeals as changbin sweeps him up by the waist. it was their fourth day and they were both tired and alive at the same time.

"changbin!" jisung laughs loudly.

changbin carries him to the kitchen where he places him on the counter and settles between his legs. 

jisung is laughing loudly, smile so big his eyes disappear as changbin bites and sucks at his neck and collarbones and rubs at his waist.

they had done a lot of this the past days. 

jisung slings his arms around changbins neck and links his legs around his hips, laughter dying down. 

changbin peppers kisses up jisungs neck before kissing him deeply, his warm hands flat on jisungs bare back.

jisung hums into it, pressing closer.

"are you hungry?" 

"not really."

"do you want to go swimming?" 

"i don't like the ocean." 

"there's a pool jisung." changbin rolls his eyes. 

"fine." 

changbin cheers and rushes to change into his swimsuit. 

jisung does as well and joins him at the large pool. the sun was setting slowly as changbin leaps into the pool. 

he lets out a cry right before he hits the water making jisung laugh. 

when he comes up he flicks his wet hair out of his face and smiles at jisung. "come in!" 

jisung shuffles on his feet. "maybe in a minute. its probably cold."

"come on i want to kiss you some more. you look good with all of those marks." changbins eyes shine and his tongue darts out to lick his lips as he stares.

jisung steps in slowly and shivers. 

he wades to changbin who grabs his hips and nuzzles his face into jisungs neck.

"baby." he sighs. "i love you so much." 

jisung hums as he feels changbins lips attach to his neck again and he throws his head back. his eyes shut and he sinks into changbin as he kisses him. 

the water was cold but changbin was so warm.

**Author's Note:**

> au twitter: @junseobins


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